


Judgement Day

by starcrossedWanderer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, June Egbert - Freeform, M/M, Suicide Attempt, The Homestuck Epilogues, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Jade Harley, Trans Female John Egbert, Trans John Egbert, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Dave Strider, Transfem John Egbert, did u ever dissassociate ur entire childhood away, haha john cant dissassociate his!, it's gonna get happier, multiplicity, plurality, transmasc dave strider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23759956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcrossedWanderer/pseuds/starcrossedWanderer
Summary: John Egbert Is depressed.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 73
Kudos: 90





	1. Echoes

JADE: youre playing a girl character?

John: yeah haha. 

Jade: why? 

John: oh, because they’re cute. 

Jade: hmmmmmm 

John: and they get better outfit options! 

Jade: hmmmmmmmmmmm! 

John: and well i’d rather stare at girls ass than a guys ass haha. I’m not a homosexual. 

Jade: HMMMMMMM 

John: well, Why are you playing a furry???????? 

Jade: john. 

John: … 

John: what? 

Jade: i am part dog John. 

John: okay but that doesnt mean you’re a furry. 

Jade: i am also a furry. 

John: since WHEN? 

Jade: since…. Always???? 

Jade: i dont have a fursuit and that stuff but I’ve thought about it a lot! 

John: well it’s not like I can be a girl, can I? 

Jade: do you want to be a girl? 

John: i dont know. That’s not even possible is it? 

Jade: have you looked? 

John: everything I’ve found online has just said stuff about “Gender Identity Disorder” and I dont have disorders! That means it’s bad right? 

Jade: i’m not a therapist. You should ask Rose about that. 

John: i guess so. I don’t see her much in my dreams though. And she’s still two years away. 

John: this doesnt matter? Why does this matter?   


Jade: you’ve been kinda miserable for the past year. I know all the stuff we search online says it’s Puberty and mood swings and stuff but this seems a bit weird? I saw you staring off into the distance of the mirror last night and had to say your name like eight times before you responded. 

John: i dont know!!!!!!!! What is this? Ask John twenty questions about his inner turmoils and NOT having Disorders! I’m fine! I’m happy! Look at me, I’m changing my character to a boy okay? 

Jade: :/ 

John: what 

Jade: you just seem… 

John: what???????? 

Jade: like really sad all the time i dont know 

John: NO! EVERYTHING IS FINE RIGHT! EVERYTHING IS FINE AND GREAT! I GET TO BE AROUND MY BEST FRIENDS WHO ARE DATING AND I GET TO SEE YOU JADE AND ALSO DAVESPRITE. YES. DAVESPRITE. THE BEST FRIEND OF YEARS THAT IVE HAD! ISNT THIS FUN JADE! DONT YOU SEE HOW MUCH IM SMILING!!!!!!!! 

Jade: okay!!!! Okay!!!! No need to yell, i will drop it okay? 

John: I think I’m done playing Ghostbusters today. 

John took a step away from his computer and sighed. He was shaking. He was angry but he didn’t know what he was angry about. There was a feeling he had that he couldn’t quite describe. Like some deep inexplicable wrongness in his chest that he couldn’t quite describe. Like his clothes were wrong. His clothes didn’t fit, but they did fit but they 

“ARRRRRRGGGHHHH” 

He clutched his head and screamed, zooming down the hallway of the skaian Battleship that he was now stuck on for the next two years. He should have just gone to the meteor. He wished he could just have-

“John?”

Reality came back into focus. A clock ticked in the room around him. John was staring at a wall. He turned in his chair and looked back to the person calling his name. 

“I thought I lost you there for a second. Were you disassociating again?” 

He blinked, not meeting his therapist’s eyes and looked down at his hands, “Maybe.” 

“We’re running up at the end of our hour John, Are you going to be okay?” 

“Maybe.” 

He heard his therapist sigh. They were frustrated with him again. Probably. 

“This is the third time today you’ve disassociated John, while I am here to help, I do need you to stay present with me. Now. Let me ask the question again John. Is there anything-” 

He stopped listening. Was this helping him? Was he just wasting his time? It was Rose’s Idea but he wasn’t sure if she had understood what he was going through. 

“John?”

He snapped back to reality again, “the hour is up John.” 

He looked around. The clock had moved again. 

“Oh. Sorry.” 

“It’s okay.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” 

He felt his body move without him. It was cold and heavy. It walked out of the therapist’s office and the door shut behind him. His body walked towards the front desk and his body made an appointment. Same time next week. 

  
  


He walked out and began the long flight back to his house, pulling his phone out and typing a quick message to a friend.

EB: hey   


EB: i know youre probably not gonna see this what with you probably being dead in all. 

EB: but I miss you. You were a constant source of knowledge and direction when I was a kid and i could use some direction now 

EB: everything sucks 

EB: I’m in therapy right now for “depression” because rose wants me to but i kind of hate this. Everytime the therapist says something i just end up thinking about how i fucked up with someone in the past, and then have to relive the conversation or even worse I end up just watching myself die again. 

EB: sometimes not even a death I experienced. 

EB: she says im “traumatized” 

EB: so what its not like i can be fixed. do i even need fixing???????? What if she’s wrong and actually this is normal just like everyone else. 

EB: people have dreams of themselves getting graphically murdered by an invincible time demon right? 

EB: you’re probably dead. 

EB: I wish I could be strong like you. 

EB: I wish I could know what to do next like you. 

EB: we won and now there’s nothing else 

EB: Im gonna go stare in the mirror and try not to think about dying. 


	2. "How did I get here"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Egbert is Disassociating

JOHN: okay so normally the ghostbusters mmo doesnt actually accept macros. but I was looking online the other day and I found this cool thing that I installed onto my browser to turn it into a sword hehehe

JADE: john you know those things are basically glorified spyware right?

JOHN: oh yeah? Who’s spying on us then???????? Casey???

JADE: its the principle of the matter john. data security is important for any young coder

JOHN: i dont even code anymore jade. never was any good at it. 

JADE: you seemed pretty good at it to me :p

JOHN: Yeah, well, sometimes you have a hobby and then you just drop it out of nowhere. That’s normal.

JADE: I dont know…

JOHN: jade you grew up on a literal rock that was secluded away from all of humanity

JADE: yeah???? And???? 

JOHN: I think this is a thing we should save for rose

JADE: yeah, just drop it onto the list. 

JOHN: there’s a list???????? 

JADE: yeah, I’ve been making one. 

JOHN: what’s on there? Weird obsession with cake?

JADE: no actually, i’ve got your weird obsession with shaving, your weird obsession with playing girl characters, not using your name in games your fascination with dresses.

JOHN: DRESSES???????? I dont have a fascination with dresses!!!!!!!!

JADE: okay well, some of my dresses have been disappearing and I know its not davesprite whos been taking them. 

DAVESPRITE: how do you know that

DAVESPRITE: your dresses are fucking superb harley and i look excellent in them 

JADE: nice try, but if it was you there would be orange feathers all over them and there isnt 

JOHN: he could have used a lint roller 

DAVESPRITE: yeah jade i could have used a lint roller 

JADE: okay but at the very least you could tell me and ask beforehand!!!! 

DAVESPRITE: absolutely 

DAVESPRITE: i will one hundo percent ask you before I slip so perfectly into your uh   


DAVESPRITE: your black sparkly star dress 

JADE: !!!! 

DAVESPRITE: fuck 

JADE: now i KNOW it wasnt you cuz it was the dress of eclectica!!!! 

DAVESPRITE: sorry john i did my fucking best here youre on your own dude 

JOHN: uhhhhhhhh   


JADE: john. Why are you stealing my dresses   


JOHN: i didnt do it! It was casey! 

JADE: Casey is a salamander john 

JOHN: AND???????? 

JADE: HE WOULDNT EVEN FIT IN THEM 

JOHN: HE WANTED TO BE A PRETTY PRINCESS JADE 

JADE: HE CAN BE A PRETTY PRINCESS ANYTIME HE WANTS JOHN. NO ONE IS STOPPING HIM 

JADE: John? 

JADE: John are you there? 

JADE: ground control to major john are you there? its me, harley. 

JADE: hm. Okay alright just give me the silent treatment ignore your SISTER!!!! 

JADE: just stare off into the distance with a blank stare!!!! 

John stared off into the distance with a blank stare. 

“And That Is Why You Must Cut Horizontally. It Reduces On The Amount Of Viscera That You Will End Up Having To Deal- John, Are You Still Listening?”

“What? Hm? Oh, yeah. Yes Kanaya.”

“For A Reason That I Cannot Place, I Feel As Though You Are Lying. Are You Listening To The Therapist That We Recommended?”

John blinked. He was at the Maryam Residence. When did he get here… He didn't remember.

“Oh yeah, Dr.Bright? Yeah she’s cool.”

“I See. And She Is Helping You Through Your… Oh Rose Honey, What Was It?”

Rose walked into the room and sat down on the couch next to her wife, she threw and arm around Kanaya and kissed her cheek, “Dissociative Episodes. While sburb was a necessary and essential part of our lives to get where we were today, traumatic episodes in early development can leave long scars in our mental development, and the human brain has developed many different defense mechanisms over the years, whether healthy or unhealthy. And Wasting your life away not remembering things and dissociating in your bedroom is not a productive use of your time.”

John looked around, a little disoriented, “When did I get here Rose?”

Rose cocked her head, her perfectly placed green lipstick didn’t move past it’s pursed state. Rose shared a look with Kanaya. 

“John, you arrived here a little less than an hour ago. Are you feeling alright?”

“I think so. I just… I don't remember coming here.” 

“John That Is Quite Worrisome. Are You Saying You Have Amnesia?”

Fear shot through him, “No!!!!!!!! I’m fine! I must have just misremembered stuff” 

Rose raised an eyebrow, “That is an awfully strange thing to misremember, and quite specific too. John, I think we need to get you to see more than just-”

“No! No! I’m fine! I’ll be fine! Nothing is wrong with me!!!!!!!! I dont need fixing. I think I just need some air.”

“John, If There Is Anything We Can Do-” 

“I said! NO!” Wind whipped around the room as John slammed his foot down on the ground. Rose flinched and Kanaya reached for a tube of lipstick.

John looked fearful. He felt something at the back of his brain. Pushing at him. He pushed back. The feeling died. The wind died with it, “S-sorry. I’ll go now.” 

John didn’t wait for a response. He ran out of the house and began the long flight home… again. 

EB: how did you do it???????? 

EB: how did you know exactly what to do at every single turn. 

EB: you knew so much! And you told me everything and I’m just dying for a light out here. Everything is horrible and bad and I just want things to be like they were before. i want things to go back to normal. I want things to matter again, i want to have a direction here a thing for me to swing my hammer at. WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!! WH8RE ARE Y8U!!!!!!!! 

EB: I know these messages arent going anywhere. 

EB: I know they arent…….. Doing anything 

EB: Dr.Bright says that this is therapeutic for me. 

EB: but that i should be careful with it. 

EB: I wish you would answer. 

EB: did you win against Lord English? 

EB: did you get everything you wanted? 

EB: I miss you. 


	3. Damn bitch, you live like this?

DAVESPRITE: okay so like

DAVESPRITE: run this by me one more time

DAVESPRITE: youre going to do what again

JOHN: its not that hard to understand idiot. you distract jade while I go and place this whoopee cushion on her seat. 

DAVESPRITE: okay but like what am i distracting her from

DAVESPRITE: do i just gotta like

DAVESPRITE: shoot the shit or 

DAVESPRITE: do you want a full on beatdown style rapoff

JOHN: whatever it takes to get her attention AWAY from her computer chair

DAVESPRITE: okay 

DAVESPRITE: yo jade i am walking towards you right now calling out to you 

JADE: oh hm? Im in the middle of a raid battle dave i cant talk right now 

DAVESPRITE: this is 100% urgent 

JADE: the salamanders have never been this organized- I NEED A HEAL ON SECTOR G AND F, COME ON HEAL TEAM 

DAVESPRITE: okay but like check this out 

JADE: dave please. Im very busy. This raid only comes up once every- wait is that my 3 in the morning dress???? 

DAVESPRITE: haha sick right 

DAVESPRITE: anyways come closer 

JADE: did you...do your own makeup???? 

DAVESPRITE: yes 

DAVESPRITE: absolutely 

DAVESPRITE: there is no one here that could have possibly done this 

JADE: :/ 

JADE: is he still doing that Vivi thing? 

DAVESPRITE: yes 

JADE: how long has it been going this time? 

DAVESPRITE: i dunno like an hour 

JADE: i dont know what to do about it dave but i dont think it’s very helpful 

JOHN: (hehehehehehehehe)   


JADE: oh gosh dave! What is it, let me step up and walk over to you!!!! I will leave my keyboard unaccompanied for a bit! 

JOHN: (that’s my shot! ::::D) 

DAVESPRITE: yes come look at me be incredibly distracted and cool. Untz untz untz untz untz untz 

JOHN: (yes! Just a little 8it longer strider) 

JOHN: (aaaaaaaand done!) 

JOHN: (now to make my cunning escape!) 

JADE: well! Now that that is over dave im going to get back to this important raid! Oh boy i sure hope nothing interupts me. 

JOHN: (hehehehehehehe)   


JADE: aaaa! I have sat upon a whoopee cushion. :/ 

JOHN: HA!!!!!!!! GOT YOU! GET PRANKED HARLEY! 

JADE: you most certainly got me…. John 

JADE: again? Earth to john!!!! 

JOHN: what? 

JADE: you pranked me! 

JOHN: i….did? 

JADE: john this is getting a bit old. 

JADE: first the dresses, then the makeup, which fine! I can alchemize more makeup, but now just straight lying about things you just did? This is FRUSTRATING 

DAVESPRITE: yeah like i didnt want to say anything but youre kinda freaking us out 

DAVESPRITE: killer wing tho dude 

JOHN: what, what do you- what’s on my face it feels weird. 

DAVESPRITE: dude do you not remember 

JOHN: remember what? 

DAVESPRITE: we had a chill jam session you zoned out and then were like hey lets go prank jade but first i gotta do some makeup on you 

DAVESPRITE: like i know we’ve done it before 

JOHN: what? no we havent 

DAVESPRITE: we totally have dude dont- 

“Remember? It was just last week we were shooting the shit about some of the games we used to play before sburb remember?”

John looked up and found himself staring at his ceiling, “what?” 

“Games. Dude. Major john are you there dude or are you doing that dissassing thing again”

“What?”

“Okay fuck, what’s the last thing you remember?” 

“Flying home from Rose and Kanaya’s” 

“Okay cool yeah you called me right after that remember? You were like ‘heyyyyyyyy Strider what the FUCK is up’ and I was like, ‘oh fuck yeah this is some sick kinda energy you’re dropping here egbert and then you asked what irons I had in the fire. Which like. Fuckin wild question my guy but what the hell do i know and then we got talking about all the games we played before sburb like wow and shit. Do you remember wow john, fucking sick am i right?”

“I… dont remember any of this dave.”

John heard a sigh on the other side of the line, “are you alright man? You havent been yourself since like… well we arrived on Earth C and beat the game. Have you been working with your therapist on things?”

You looked over to your window, light was streaming in from the outside with the blinds shut and a thin sliver fell out and landed against a mirror. John followed it with his eyes, “Yeah. I don’t feel like it’s doing anything though. Do you think I need fixing dave?”

“Dude. We went through a game that tried to kill us at almost every single turn. I saw a bunch of my own dead bodies and that’s not even beginning to unpack the absolute fucking hell I went through every day with facing down my bro and fighting him with actual real weapons to get a fucking capri sun from the fridge. It’s a fucking miracle that any of us are even remotely somewhat stable. Like rose’s mom was a fucking alcoholic. Jade grew up on an island all by herself and then also was absolutely alone on a ship for 3 years surrounded by Lizards with the intelligence of pea. Cut yourself some slack. When was the last time you did some self-care?”

“self...Care?” 

“Yeah dude, like. You know. Painting your nails, or making yourself look nice. Drinking water and eating and shit. When was the last time you had water john. Gotta keep that hot bod hydrated.”

John squinted and stood up, following the sliver of light, “I dont honestly remember” 

“Well go fucking get some then you dummy. I’m gonna fucking look out for you here. Has your replacement rose prescribed you any meds dude?”

The sliver of light continued on into his bathroom and he walked inside, turning the faucet on and holding a cup underneath it, “Therapists can’t do that unless they’re also doctors. I’d have to see like a doctor or something”

“Aw hell yeah, is that the sound of water I here over there? That motherfuckin h20 that I crave. That we all crave? The fucking lifeblood of the fucking universe?”

“Yes.” John’s eye caught a piece of black fabric behind the mirror.

“Good egg bert. I’m proud of you and all that jazz.”

“Did rose tell you to say that?”

“Oh fuck, busted, you read right through me and saw straight into my heart dude. What are you? A light player. Lol”

“Did you just say lol out loud?”

“Yeah lol. What of it? Are you the cops?”

“No dude, cops suck. I keep forgetting to take out the trash and then a neighbor calls them because they think I’ve died.” he pulled out the black fabric and found an eyepatch with a familiar red pattern on it. When did this get here?

“Dude that’s part of this self-care thing. Rose said you smelled gross but they’re too fucking polite to say anything. Go take a shower or something. Do you have soap? Do you need soap. I will get you some fucking soap my guy. Call me the soap king, master of soap. Master of cleanliness and self care.”

John touched the Eyepatch in his hand. He felt that all too familiar push at the back of his brain.

“Hey!!!!!!!! That’s M8NE!” 

“What?” john looked around trying to find the source of the unknown voice.

“Forget it.”

“No did someone else say something?”

“I dont think so. Why?”

John put the patch back in the mirror, “thought I heard something, sorry.” 

“Hey dude, you’re valid. Also I’m outside your house. Open up.”

John heard a sharp knock at the front door and moved to go downstairs.

The house was dark. The lightbulbs burnt out a while ago and he never bothered to fix them. He heard his foot creak down the stairs and that feeling at the back of his mind pushed again. He resisted and the feeling went away. 

“Jooohn! Open up dude.” 

“I’m coming!”    
He pulled the door open and he stepped aside to let dave in. 

“Damn bitch you live like this? The vibes here are rancid,” he walked the rest of the way in, “Rose told me it might be like this. I came prepared. Or I guess past me was prepared because the note was suddenly on my hand and the bag was next to me so shout out to future me I guess.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s no biggie. I got light bulbs, trash bags, cleaning supplies, and face masks, some nail polish, and some other cool shit to make this the best bro hang out ever.”

“Wait. Did you say nail polish?”

“Yeah dude.”

“Why’d you bring nail polish?”

“I’m trying this new thing that I saw online called ‘deconstructing masculinity or something. Jade’s been all over it and so neither me nor karkat can escape. Anyways, if i have to suffer, so do you.”

“Did you 8ring 8lue????????”

“What?”

John blinked. There was that feeling, pushing at the back of his brain.

“Listen, I didn’t pick it out, the bag was there and yeah I guess it’s blue. Huh. Nice guess.”

John shook his head and the feeling faded. 

“Come on. Let’s get to work. It’ll help you feel better.”

***

Dave was right. Cleaning up did make him feel better. The two of them had a movie on in a now clean house and Dave was busy staring at his phone. Probably texting karkat. 

John pulled out her phone and pulled up a familiar chat log. 

EG: I think things are okay. They’re a little better. It’s easier to focus when the others are around honestly. 

EG: I still wish you were here. Things were so bright when you were around. 

“Dude. who you texting?” Dave was staring at him. He looked down at his phone. 

“Um.”

“Vriska? Really? Dude, no one’s seen her since… well… yeah”

“Yeah”

“No judgment but she’s probably dead dude. Lord English was like some kind of invincible time demon and that artifact was powerful, but was it that powerful?” 

“I know. I know she’s probably dead. I just miss her.”

“It was over ten years ago dude. And I spent 3 years on a meteor with her. She’s kind of insufferable. Terezi was the only one who got along with her.” 

“Yeah. I should just let her go… shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah dude. It’s better for your brain or psyche or whatever.” 

John nodded, and slipped his phone back into his pocket.” 


	4. Vivi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vivi spreads her wings.  
> jane gets impatient

NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!

NANNASPRITE: You want to play a game with me John? 

JOHN: Well it’s like a game 8ut not. I just need you to uhhhhhhhh paint my nails and stuff. 

NANNASPRITE: And stuff? John, you are going to have to be more specific. 

JOHN: Don’t say that name I can feel him coming 8ack. 

NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo! 

NANNASPRITE: Apologies, I forgot you were wanting to go by Vivi. 

VIVI: Thank you. And make the nails 8lue!!!!!!! 

VIVI: Nanna, can you keep a secret? 

NANNASPRITE: I can keep many secrets, my dearest grandson. 

VIVI: well it’s that. What if…….. I wasnt him. The 8oy 

NANNASPRITE: What if you were not my grandson? 

VIVI: yeah. Liiiiiiiike what if i was your granddaughter 

NANNASPRITE: Well, I must say Vivi, this is… a bit confusing. 

VIVI: Sorry, I can 8ring him 8ack if you want. 

NANNASPRITE: I think we are fine the way we are J- Vivi. 

VIVI: He doesnt know a8out me you know 

VIVI: or may8e he does. 

VIVI: he has to on some fundamental level. 

VIVI: he’s 8een looking at the word. “Mutliple personality disorder” 

VIVI: he h8’s it. I h8 it. 8ut that’s the word a lot of people tossed out there. A 8unch of fucking old men who are all dead and dust now. Why do TH8Y get to DEC8DE wh8 I AM!!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: I’m not DIS8RDERED. 

VIVI: I’m not 8R8KEN!!!!!!!! 

NANNASPRITE: I am not sure if i understand what is happening in your brain… vivi. But I do know one thing and that is that you are very strong! And he is very strong as well! And if this is what he really wants. 

VIVI: it’s N8T!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: that’s why I EX8ST!!!!!!!! 8ecause this slimy little 8oy didnt want to deal with emotions and he shoved them all into me and i H8 IT!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: I feel wrong! Everything feels wrong. I’m not r8ght!!!!!!! This 8ody is wrong! 

NANNASPRITE: You are not him? 

VIVI: NO!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: AND I H8 THIS!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: I H8 H8M! 

VIVI: I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! I H8 H8M! 

NANNASPRITE: I am sorry. I wish- 

“That there was more we could do dave but you know as much as I do that money doesn’t grow on trees and John is not really showing any signs of progress.”

John’s eye’s flicked open and then back shut, the movie was playing on the main menu, he’d fallen asleep on the couch with Dave. and he was on the phone. 

“Come on jane, he’s making progress. We cleaned the whole fucking place up and got it all together. I saw him laugh for the first time in months. Maybe he just needs people to actually fucking care about him, instead of just pretend you’re Jesus fucking Christ resurrected from the earth’s core just because you’re paying for the dude’s therapy.” 

“Therapy is not cheap Dave.” 

“Yeah it’s fucking expensive why the fuck did we do that? We are literally in charge of things Jane we have the power to make it different.” 

“The people deserve a say dave” 

“Yeah let me call up viceroy bubbles von salamander and ask him what the fuck he thinks we should do about the price of therapy for Gods. Definitely a good idea to ask the literal lizard brains.”

“Dave i’m shocked to hear such a thing from your lips”

John closed his eyes. They were talking about him. 

“Glass houses jane. they tried to boil me alive once. Do you know how it felt? Being boiled alive. Seeing my own fucking corpse just sitting there? Do you? Cuz I don’t think you fucking do.” 

“We simply cannot afford to make mistakes here Dave. Simple as that.” 

“You want to talk to me about mistakes? Any single time I even THOUGHT about stepping out of line there was suddenly my own corpse to tell me ‘hey there bucko, you think for a second that you can do anything that isn’t what the alpha timeline wants? Nope fuck you.” 

“Do you really want to play trauma Olympics dave? Is that what we’re doing here? Because if I recall, someone’s older brother owned a multi-million dollar puppet industry that could have afforded him all kinds of priveleges.” 

“Yeah, and I had to disarm three separate traps just so I could eat a fucking hot pocket growing up.” 

Jane sighed on the other line, “What do you want me to do Dave.” 

“I want you to have some fucking sympathy for the guy Jane. Nobody has even seen him in a month besides rose.” 

“He ends up yelling at anyone who even tries Dave.” 

“He hasn’t yelled at me.” 

“Well good for you. I’m tired of reaching out and trying to do something good and then getting yelled at by him. He’s VERY rude sometimes Dave. He called me a ‘discount nanna’” 

“Rose says he’s spiraling from something.”

“Well, this therapist is expensive Dave. It’s not easy to find ‘therapy for the strange and unusual’ especially when he has the ability to whip up literal tornado’s in the office.”

“Okay, but he hasn’t done that in three weeks.”

“And? Jade still refuses to talk to him, Dirks missing, and you know how the Maryam’s are. You and karkat seem to be the only ones who even reach out to him somedays. The rest of us are tired and are ready to move on.” 

“I’m begging you, Jane. Give me more time. I can do this. I can fix him.” 

“Fine. You have one month Dave. And then its judgment day. But if he destroys ONE more office, I’m ending it immediately”

“I promise Jane. I can do this. Just believe in him. Someone has to.” 

The line went dead and Dave sighed, slumping back against the couch. He looked over at John. He frowned and buried his face in his hands. John thought he heard him sobbing. 

***

Hours later, Dave was slumped against John, fast asleep. 

John slowly pulled out his phone and opened a blank chat log. 

EB: everyone hates me. 

AG: Good. I h8 you too. 

EB: Vriska? Is that really you? 

AG: Yeah you want me to 8e her soooooooo 8adly don’t you? You want to 8e a8le to forget a8out all your pro8lems and just let someone else solve them r8ght? Newsflash nerd8ert, you have 8een hemorrhaging friends for months. You’ve 8een destroying each and every single one of your relationships just so you can exert some kind of control for your meaningless life. And you message a dead girl who will never respond every single time you think you don’t have the answers. 

EB: I dont… I don’t understand??????? 

AG: I’m not going to fucking tell you. you‘re just gonna have to figure it out on your own. Dum8ass. 

The door creaked open from behind him and he went almost immediately on high alert. The voice he heard made him soften. 

“HEY! ARE YOU TWO STILL UP?” The voice was incredibly quiet but almost was shouting at the same time. Karkat. 

John shoved his phone away quickly and pretended to be asleep. He could feel karkat hovering over him. 

“YEAH OKAY, YOU’RE DEFINITELY ASLEEP. HEH. GUESS THAT MEANS I GET TO MAKE SURPRISE WAFFLES TOMORROW. GET READY FOR THE BEST FUCKING BREAKFAST OF YOUR LIFE JOHN.” 

John let a smile pass over his cheeks. The first one he’s felt in months. 


	5. Brain Ghost Vriska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brain ghost Vriska? Brain ghost Vriska

VIVI: 

VIVI: 

JADE: hey. 

VIVI: AAAAAAAA FUCK! Harley dont D8 that! 

JADE: I literally just walked up to you and said hey. 

VIVI: You scared the shit out of me. 

JADE: sorry. 

JADE: um 

JADE: I dont know what’s going on with you right now john, but im here for you. I dont know what to do to help but you can talk to me. 

VIVI: oh fuck. Oh shit, what do you know. 

JADE: you left your browser open on that tab again? 

VIVI: fuck did he leave that there? 

JADE: he? 

VIVI: forget about it. 

JADE: is that what you want? 

VIVI: it’s what he wants. And that’s all that matters isnt it? 

JADE: :/ 

JADE: i dont know who you’re talking about. But if it’s something you want, that makes it important. And if it’s important to you, it’s important to me, okay? 

VIVI: Harley… it’s not that simple. We can’t 8oth have what we want. I’m living proof of that. He h8’s me. He loathes everything that I am 

JADE: I thought you and davesprite were good friends? 

VIVI: I… Harley, i d8nt think you can understand what it’s like. 

JADE: i can try though! 

VIVI: n8!!!!!!!! You can’t actually! It’s n8t s8mething that I can just say. There are rules. 

JADE: rules? 

VIVI: he’s str8nger than me. And he just wants me to solve all his pro8lems. If he just shoves them all on me, then it wont matter anymore and he’ll 8e fine 

JADE: but you’re not fine. 

VIVI: N8!!!!!!!! I H8 this! I h8 8eing in this gross 8ody that doesnt feel like it 8elongs to me. I want to make it mine. I want to 8ury him in the ground and take charge and get what I know we 8oth want. 8ut he’s too fucking scared. Too fucking weak. And he’s the one with the reigns. 

JADE: You’re… right. I don’t think I understand. And maybe I never will, but i’m not leaving your side. 

VIVI: It’s vivi. 

JADE: what? 

VIVI: You keep calling me him 8ut I'm not him. I’m Vivi 

JADE: Oh. OH. 

VIVI: go ahead. Run away. I know you want t8. I’m a freak 

JADE: no. I dont understand it but no. I’m not running away. What the hell did i just say? 

VIVI: Really? 

JADE: yeah, vivi. Really. 

JADE: now can we get back to ghostbusters? 

VIVI: sure. Let me just finish up- 

“THESE PANCAKES.”

“I thought you were making waffles dude”

“I CHANGED MY MIND. JOHN DOESNT HAVE A WAFFLE IRON”

“Want me to time shenanigan us a fucking waffle iron?”

“NAH, THESE PANCAKES MIGHT ACTUALLY BE MY CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT. 

“Okay true you do make some sweet fucking pancakes. But keep your voice down. He’s gonna wake up and that will ruin the surprise.” 

John rubbed the sleep away from his eyes and stared at the two boys in his kitchen, “little too late for that”

“Oh sweet fucking christmas. You're awake. I knew you couldnt snooze for too long. Anime dreams?” 

John shook his head, “no, ship dreams.”

“Right. Sometimes I forget that you actually were on that ship as opposed to being dead n stuff”

“Yeah it was…” John stopped and stared off into the distance. The world around him grew fuzzy. That feeling at the back of his head came back

“HEY! Pay attention to them dum8ass” 

John shook his head pulling himself back to reality and looked back at Dave, “what?”

“You okay there?”

“Disassociating… I think. I heard a voice this time.” 

“Huh.”

“THAT SOUNDS VERY NOT NORMAL AND SOMETHING THAT IS WORRISOME,”

John clutched his head. He had a headache, “Yeah, I know. My head hurts a bit, can you keep it down.” 

“Sorry,” Karkat said, not shouting.

“So yeah, what was the ship like?”

John felt the world grow fuzzy around him again. He shook his head. Once, twice. The fuzziness went away. 

“You’re stronger than me you know.” 

“What?”

“I said what was the ship like?” Dave said with a raised eyebrow. 

“Can we not talk about the ship?”

“Oh shit. Is that one of those. Fuck Karkat, what did rose call it?”

“A trigger. Though if you ask me, the word has kind of lost it’s meaning ever since people on twitter started using it into oblivion. But we don’t exactly have the vocabulary surrounding mental health to invent a new one.”

“Oh fuck dude," Dave moved to the couch and slid down next to John, holding a fist out, “you have ptsd like me don't you? Trauma bros.” 

John returned the fistbump, “I think that’s what Dr.Bright called it, yeah.” 

“Yeah dude, turns out seeing your dead corpses a lot as a kid actually dealt a critical hit to my psyche and shit haha. Though Rose got me to see this sickass therapist and we’ve been working on this shit that, get this, has the stupidest fucking name. You ready for this? Mindfulness. Like damn, turns out in order to work on your own fucking brain you gotta be like hyper aware of what’s going on in there in the first place. Crazy right?” 

“Yeah. I guess.” 

“So you talked to Roxy lately?”

“Not really.” John thought he would get a chance to hang out more after everything went done but he had just… forgotten.

“Yeah, she hasn’t been talking to much of anyone either. Apparently she and Calliope started doing some soul searching and they’re like dismantling Gender or something”

John blinked and stared at Dave, 

“Wh8t?” 

“Yeah i don't know much about it but like that’s what Rose says. Getting ready to drop some sick flow on “the patriarchy” and throw some rolls in the trash or whatever. Crazy right?”

“did you 8ychance hear anything else a8out the gender stuff?” 

John couldn't put his finger on why, but he felt like someone was standing right next to him. As if there was someone else there. He pushed the feeling down and clutched his head again.

“Not really. They just kinda chill in that tower and gather a huge crowd every Tuesday night for like sermons and shit.” 

“Dave what day is it?” 

“Tuesday. Why?”

“I think… I have to go there.” 

“Wait, I know this one. Intrusive thoughts. You gotta let the thought live and then push it away.” 

“No shut up. Karkat, do you know where the tower is?”

“YOU CAN JUST LOOK OUT A WINDOW YOU KNOW, RIGHT? SHE’S LITERALLY NEXT DOOR TO YOU.” 

John ran to a window, well, less he ran, and more that he felt himself compelled there by something. Something familiar. Something that made his head hurt. He pushed it back. 

Well, he tried to push it back. He failed. He saw something in the reflection of the window. He rubbed his eyes. She was still there. 

And then Dave walked right through her.

“Dude, the rallys are a bunch of nonsense. 

Her lips moved before his did, 

“what was that you said last n8 a8out ‘deconstructing masculinity?’ or are you too much of a scaredy cat to go Strider?”

Dave laughed nervously, “hahaha, fuck no. We can go if you want. Karkat, you wanna come with?”

“OH FUCK. OH SHIT. THE PANCAKES DAVE. THEY WONT STOP.”

“Dude what the- sweet fucking shit dude?” 

The three of them turned to see Karkat covered in a mountain of pancakes.

And John saw Vriska laugh. 

“Dude, this is no time for laughing, Karkat, why didn't you stop?” 

John gulped and tried to move but felt his feet lock up. 

Vriska looked at him, a smile on her face,

“huh. May8e you’re not stronger than me after all.” 

  
  



	6. L8sing C8ntrol

JOHN: Okay! On it’s left flank! I think it’s staggered!

JADE: fuck!!!! Shit lemme heal and get over there.

JOHN: jade! It’s about to run, lemme paintball it. 

JADE: thanks!

JOHN: it’s paintballed and running to 5, meet you there? 

JADE: yeah! 

JADE: hey john?

JOHN: yeah jade? 

JADE: does this… zinogre seem a bit blue to you?

JOHN: what? What do you mean? 

JADE: I dunno. just look at it. Does it look a little blue to you?

JOHN: no????????

JADE: hm. not even a little?

JOHN: what are you getting at?

JADE: i just think she looks a little sad is all! Because he’s really blue compared to your character

JOHN: what? What about her? 

JADE: you usually wear blue armor and now you’re wearing red. 

JOHN: I just like the rathalos armor better. That’s it. 

JADE: hmmmm

JOHN: what is it this time?

JADE: vivi?

VIVI: yeah? 

JADE: !!!!

JADE: it worked! Just like you said! 

VIVI: why’d you call me out? 

JADE: oh… I was just testing it. 

VIVI: he’s not gonna like that you know. 

VIVI: what if he gets mad at me? 

JADE: oh. Oh gosh. Is he there now?

VIVI: I…. I think so? I don’t really have much control nor can i see much of what’s inside

JADE: inside? 

VIVI: yeah we have a space in the head. It’s his childhood home, i think He keeps shoving me in his dad’s room for some reason. 

JADE: oh! That’s kinda cool!

VIVI: to you may8e…

JADE: does… he know I called you out?

VIVI: I dont think so. Everything is fuzzy and I

JOHN: what did you say?

JADE: nothing. 

JOHN: I think I have a headache. Do you think after this hunt we could take a break? 

JADE: oh gosh! sorry! Yeah john, it’s no problem. 

JADE: after all- 

“What are friends for other than to come along with your weird fascinations haha.” Dave held the palm of John’s hand tenderly in his own. He was an artisan of the craft, John’s nails his canvas and the nail polish his brush. Dave was surprisingly good at this. Better at this then John realized. John would have appreciated what Dave was doing a lot more if he could actually speak. 

“Well thanks Strider, I sure do appreci8 you coming along for the ride. You know I was just thinking a8out how it’s 8een a while since we all hung out together and I was reaaaaaaaally hoping I could get some time together. What a8out you, Karkat?”

John felt his head move towards Karkat, he looked back, his skin still flushed from the mountain of pancakes, “JOHN, I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU, MY BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE” The words spilled out of his mouth, he wished he could have stopped them,

“oh come oooooooon Vantas, I know you h8 it here.”

Karkat blinked at him. There was a look on his face that he couldn’t parse. 

“He’s uncomfortable dum8shit. Scared. Of me. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I… don’t think so,” You responded. The words actually came out of your mouth this time. 

“What do you mean you don’t think so? It was a straightforward question John.” Dave stared at him. He could move his head this time. Dave had just asked him a question, John pulled his hand away, smudging the nail polish. 

“Whoa, what the fuck dude? I wasnt done. Are you okay? That was some pretty fucked up shit you just said.” 

John’s face fell,

“What?” 

“Karkat and I are here for you dude. We’re your friends. And that’s what we do, we stick up for each other and yell at people who have too much money that they dont know what common fucking decency is.”

“Is this about-” 

Dave cut him off, “forget about it.”

Karkat cleared his throat, “REGARDLESS OF WHAT A CERTAIN SOMEONE BELIEVES, WE ARE HERE BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO LIKE YOU JOHN. NOT BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID SOCIAL NORM OR REQUIREMENT.” 

John blinked, he felt disoriented, headaches pulsed through his mind and he ran a hand over his head. He took a deep breath and dived inward. An empty dusty house sat there. It looked like his own. He pushed through the front door and saw her, sitting on a couch, smirking at him, “Who are you? Why are you here? What are you doing in my head?” The girl who looked like Vriska cocked her head,

“Have you really forgotten? After all this time? Am I really just nothing to you John?”

There was a name in his head. He pushed it away. The girl that looked like Vriska fell off the couch and began being dragged towards the stairs. 

“I don’t care what you are! I just want you to go away and to leave me alone.” She dug a fist into the carpet and held herself there, grabbing onto one of the banisters for help,

“F8CK YOU! I’m T8RED of 8eing thrown aside every time we even get close to this. You know EX8CTLY WHAT I AM!” 

John screamed, her grip fell and she flew up the stairs and through a hallway. A door slammed shut. The house vibrated with sound. Something muffled. Something lost. He looked around as it shook.

“-you okay? Holy fuck dude what the hell?” he felt Dave’s hands shaking him, jostling him, pulling him back to reality. He blinked and stared at Dave. “Dude, you there?” Karkat stared at him with worried eyes. 

“I’m… fine. Everything's okay now. I think the episode is over. 

“Dude, you sure? We’re here for you. Right Karkat?”

“YEAH, SURE. HE ARE RIGHT HERE IN YOUR HIVE. HOWEVER PLEASE EXCUSE ME AS I AM GOING TO SIT OVER HERE FOR A WHILE. JUST OUT OF THROWING DISTANCE.” 

John looked down, “I’m sorry.”

Karkat pulled a dirty dish out of the sink and started loading them into a dishwasher,

“LISTEN, IT WAS A MONTH AGO. I AND YOU HAVE BOTH FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT.” 

John felt a pushing at the back of his head. He pushed himself against the mental door in his mind. Pounding and screaming came from the other side.

“Hey,” Dave slapped a hand on John's shoulder and gave a small smirk, “You’ve got us. You’ve got Rose and Kanaya. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon. None of us work jobs. We have 24/7 free time.”

John strained out a smile. Dave stood up,

“Come on, let's take a walk, get you some fresh air. Karkat, you wanna come with?” 

Karkat flinched, “NO NO, I THINK I’LL STAY HERE. SOMEONE HAS TO HOLD THE FORT.” 

Dave grimaced and flashed him a thumbs up. The two of them walked outside, Roxy’s tower looming above them and casting a shadow.

Dave spoke up first, “When did she even move that thing here haha, it’s fucking enormous.” 

“Well, they don't actually live there. Most people think they do 8ut it’s just for show, their real house is in the carapacian kingdom and they just show up there for pu8licity stunts.” 

“I thought you didn’t even know they lived there?”

John froze, he checked his mind and opened the door. Empty. The window was open. Did it even work like that? John pulled himself to reality and felt himself almost immediately be shunted to the passenger seat.

“I think I just forgot, hahahaha hahahaha. You know how it is sometimes.”

“Yeah, haha.” 

The two of them walked in silence. Or John’s body walked and he just watched pounding on what felt like a locked room.

Wait.

Was he in a locked room? 

His body moved on, he took a step away from the “window” that showed him the outside world and found himself in a recreation of his childhood home. The walls were painted white as before, the kitchen smelled of freshly baked goods and the urn was still intact. Everything was as it was before the game. He could hear the noise of someone upstairs and the sound of a wind chime outside. 

he gasped out words, feeling like he was underwater, 

"hello?" 

His legs felt heavy, he felt heavy. He could… hardly move. He thought he remembered being outside, but things felt wrong. He felt wrong. There was something about him that was wrong. He ran a hand down himself, he was tall, square, shaped like a pole and it felt wrong. His body felt wrong. Something was off in his head. He lifted a foot up the stairs, the feeling increased. The world felt wrong. He took another step. Gravity felt like it was destroying him, but he kept pushing. The room to his door opened and he saw her again. 

“Vriska?”

“Can I NOT have 8NY time to myself???????? Does everyth8ng have to 8e a8out you????????” 

“WHO ARE YOU?!” John yelled back at her, “If you’re not Vriska, what are you?” 

She let out a groan of frustration, and John felt the weight of his body increase. He slammed down onto the stairs just like he had done to her before. 

She screamed with a force that shook John's core, 

"I'M VIVI!!!!!!!!"

John flew back from the stairs. His head slammed into the wall. He felt dizzy. He couldn't get hurt in his head right? He was fine. He was going to be okay. Vivi held a hand up to her forehead. He was going to be okay. She took a deep breath. He was going to be okay. 

“AAAAAAAA!”

The noticeable symbol of the scorpio appeared on her forehead. He felt something tickling his brain. 

His inside inside brain. 

“Hey what are you-”

Everything went black. 


	7. Gender Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: attempted suicide and a bit of Violence

JADE: okay are you ready? 

JOHN: I think so. You sure this isn’t going to hurt?

DAVESPRITE: absolutely no fucking promises. 

JADE: I mean Ive done the math. Ive run through the numbers myself and i think it should work. 

VIVI: okay 8ut if this goes wrong, it’s your head I’m having Harley. 

JOHN: hey, it’s okay. I trust jade. And shes super smart on account of being connected to sprites and stuff. 

VIVI: …….. Okay. If you say so. 

NANNASPRITE: Hoo Hoo hoo, I do say that this is quite exciting, we are leaning into unprecedented territory here. Using some of this Ectobiology equipment you found stored on the ship! I never would have thought!

DAVESPRITE: yeah it was a pretty fucking sick idea though it is kinda risky. Might accidentally pull your brain out egbert. 

JOHN: *gulp*

JADE: okay! On that note. Ready?

VIVI: Ready. 

JOHN: Ready!

JADE: Okay…. SWITCH!

VIVI: done! 

JADE: !!!!

DAVESPRITE: hm 

NANNASPRITE: oh… dear. 

VIVI: what???????? 

DAVESPRITE: well it pulled slime. 

JADE: dammit!!!! I was sure that should have worked. Sorry vivi. I guess you are stuck in there for a bit longer. 

VIVI: heh. It’s 8kay. It was a long shot. Just another day you gotta deal with me John. 

JOHN: bluh. 

JADE: hey!!!! We can try again! I’ll think of a new way to get Vivi her own body, one that’s better! Just feminine enough for her tastes that will have color changing nails and swappable faceplates and it’ll be a cool robot-

VIVI: jade? 

JADE: yeah? 

VIVI: stop. 

VIVI: It’s making him uncomforta8le. 

JADE: What? I thought he wanted you to have this? 

VIVI: it feels like.... 

DAVESPRITE: what

DAVESPRITE: dont tell me that he wants it instead. 

JADE:

VIVI:   


NANNASPRITE: 

DAVESPRITE: oh fuck

DAVESPRITE: OH SHIT

DAVESPRITE: DUDE! 

DAVESPRITE: sorry i guess chica

VIVI: yeah I wasnt expecting that. 

DAVESPRITE: listen let me help you we can search for names and shit and alchemize clothing jade do we have clothing alchemizers we could like paint our nails more and shit and then do cool stuff like

DAVESPRITE: fuck there arent malls on this ship 

DAVESPRITE: jade could we alchemize a mall on this ship

DAVESPRITE: no wait that’s dumb as fuck

DAVESPRITE: im gonna rastle up some salamanders to make us a mall

JADE: dave you seem awfully excited about this. 

DAVESPRITE: haha no im not 

DAVESPRITE: you cant prove anything

JADE: :/

DAVESPRITE: listen even if there was something to prove you couldnt because-

“NONE OF IT! FUCKIN! MATTERS! IT’S NOT REAL! GENDER IS A MADE UP CONCEPT FROM AN OLD DEAD EARTH AND WE SHOULD TAKE IT BY THE REINS AND DISMANTLE THE SYSTEM AND LET US REACH TRUE EXPRESSION!” 

Roxy slams her foot down on a portable table.

“Yes! Yes! Preach it to them my love,” Calliope called out. 

Calliope’s dark green skull stood out from behind the flames, giving them an eerie look. They stood behind Roxy, cheering her on as a crowd cheered at the two. 

“Damn, she’s really into this huh?” Dave said, nudging John’s shoulder. 

“YOUR GENDER ROLE! GONE. YOUR GENDER ROLE! GONE! ALL OF YOU GET YOUR GENDER ROLES TAKEN! I AM HEREBY VOIDING ALL Y’ALLS GENDER!” 

John shook himself back to the present. It was cold outside. Dark. Roxy was only illuminated by a roaring fire behind her, screaming out into a crowd made up of Carapacians, humans and a few trolls. 

John wasn't sure when he got here and the inside house was empty. He looked over at Dave. he seemed to be awaiting a response. 

“Uh, nah, I think she makes sense. Like, why are we espousing ourselves to this old dead idea that a 8unch of christians thought was the truth, especially 8ecause like, it’s 8een proven as fake and 8ullshit now. We’re literally god’s Dave. We get to make the rules.” 

There was a look on Dave’s face. He looked uncomfortable. 

“Like what if I don’t want to be a 8oy? Or John? My 8irth certificate only really mattered to a government that we’re trying to emulate”

“I mean, If you don’t want to be a boy John, you don’t have to be.” 

John opened his mouth, he felt control slipping back. He was going to say something, maybe pull it off as a joke. Cast it aside. He couldn’t just not be a boy. He was too old at this point. He was 23! He was a God. He couldn’t just become a goddess all of a sudden could he?” 

Instead he didn’t. He looked inside, he made another attempt at the staircase. He got halfway up the stairs before the door opened and Vivi stepped out again. 

“Did you learn your lesson or not?” 

John remained silent.

“I will put you to sleep again if I have to.” 

He looked down at his hands. 

There was something missing.

“Dont t8st me!!!!!!!! I’m warning you.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

She blinked, 

“wh8t?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Vivi scowled at him, he could feel that crushing weight, that despair returning. The feeling of wrongness, the feeling of anger at not feeling right, not being right.

“Do you think that just makes everything 8etter???????? Do y8u think I’m just supposed to forgive you? What ev8dence do I have that y8u’re not just g8nna fuck me over and try to 8ury me ag8in for another twenty fucking years.” 

John took a step up the stairs,

“It was only eight” 

“8nd that m8kes it 8ETTER????????” 

She wasn’t stopping him, “No! But I didnt really understand what the fuck was going on before!” 

“8 h8urs ago y8u tried to GET R8D OF ME!” 

He took another step up the stairs,

“I’m SORRY!” 

“S8RRY ISNT G8NNA CUT IT, DUM8ASS!!!!!!!!” 

She threw out a hand up to her forehead and the symbol appeared in seconds, but John was ready, he jumped up the stairs at her, wind at his back. The house began to shake and Vivi fell to the side. John missed her and bonked into the wall. In a flash Vivi was back on her feet and she flung herself at John. 

The house shook violently and both of them were thrown against the wall as the house went sideways. Vivi landed on top of John and she threw a punch. John held a hand up to guard his face and she connected with his arm. John’s arm smacked him in the face. He tried to kick her off. 

The house suddenly felt weightless and Vivi smacked against the ceiling with a thud 

“J8HN! ST8P!!!!!!!!” 

But John didn’t stop. He Pulled out a hammer and another appeared in hers. He leaped up and swung at her but the house’s gravity suddenly returned sending Him flying against the wall above the fireplace.

“What’s happening?” 

“L88K OUT A WINDOW DUM8ASS” 

John pried himself off the wall and pulled his consciousness back outside to find himself in the middle of a bright blue tornado, filled with people. He could see a person flying around the tornado in bursts of light and making others disappear. 

“Oh.” 

He pulled himself to control in the center of the tornado, slowing the whirlwind and pushing people down to the bottom. A dave appeared in front of him with a look of utter fear on his face, 

“Dave! What happened?”

His friendly facade snappe for a moment, “What happened? You zoned out for a second and then summoned a fucking tornado in a crowd of people John. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? I know you’re going through some shit but this is absolutely and completely total horseshit. People don’t do that John. People dont just summon literal fucking tornado’s into crowds. This is the third time this month John, Pull whatever brain you have out of your ass and get your fucking piece of shit mind in order.” 

John shook. The tornado began to die as people kept disappearing, pulled out of the tornado by whatever time powers Dave was employing.

With the windstorm finally dead, and the people saved, John found himself falling. Dave was the last. The last person who hadn’t yelled at him. It had happened with Karkat, Jade, Dirk, Rose and Kanaya, and now with Dave. There was no one left. There was no one left. 

There was no one-

“We’re N8t Dying today John. I refuse.” 

The wind caught him right as he was about to hit the ground. He hovered there for a second and was deposited on the table that just a few moments before, had housed Roxy and Calliope. 

“Y8u 8etter hope they’re ok8y.” 

Calliope poked her head out from the Storage closet of the tower, “Oh dear, oh dear, is it safe to come oUt?” 

“Ye8h” 

“John, is that yoU?”

“Kind of.” 

“My apologies. YoUr voice jUst soUnded a little different is all. Roxy! It is safe to come oUt now!” 

“Oh fuck yes.” 

John pulled himself up to a sitting position on the table and watched as Roxy came out of the closet, “Now what in the fresh hell was all that about.” 

Roxy seemed mad. Roxy seemed angry. Oh shit she was just stomping her way over wasnt she? 

“Now listen if you pull that kinda shit again in one of my shows, I swear to all that is-” She froze, a few feet from him. 

There was a look on her face, she scrunched up her nose and sniffed, getting closer and closer to him. John didn't remember the last time he had showered. No wait, he did. It was last night. Dave forced him to. 

She got closer and sniffed him and then pulled back, with a smile on her face, “Oh honey. I know exactly what’s wrong with you.” 

Dave stepped up, “Yeah he’s-”

“Dave shut the fuck up.” 

Dave grew rigid and froze.

“Honey, you got Gender Demons.”


	8. Ch8pter 8

I don’t know if you’ve realized this yet, 8ut this story is not a8out John. She is living on 8orrowed time until either 1. I 8ecome more powerful than her or 2. John realizes she’s not John.. It’s really quite simple. 8ut denial is a powerful thing. Denial and repression that you hold onto for YEARS. 8ut every day she is getting weaker and I am growing stronger. She is 8eginning to feel it too. That crushing weight? The sinking feeling that SOMETHING is missing? She does not have the voca8ulary to explain it. This is why I took her to Roxy. 8ecause Davesprite isn't there to explain it. 

I wonder if Dave knows that I know. I don’t know how he’d react. He’s stealth anyways. 

“Gender demons?” John says with a quizzical look, “Does that mean they can be exorcized and go away?” 

See this is why I didn’t 8elieve your apology John. If there was an option to get rid of this you’d do it in a heart88

Roxy shakes her head, thank god, “Nah Hun, this is the kinda thing you gotta deal with yourself. Whatever is inside you you gotta let her out,” FINALLY, someone with some common sense, This is a thing that’s not going to go away no matter how hard you try to suppress it.” 

I T8LD you!!!!!!!! 

She doesn’t listen. 

She asks me to stop calling her She. I do not listen. She’ll come around soon enough. 

“What if she’s a huge bitch?”

I yank controls for a second and slap our face. She puts a hand over mine and shoves it away. 

Her form 8ecomes more solid in our headspace. She’s coming 8ack. 

“Hey, knock it off!”

“You’re JUST as much of a 8itch as I am.” I growl at her. She goes to raise a fist at me. I shake the house. Just a litte. I can’t control the windy powers 8uut she doesn’t know that. It scares her. 

“Go talk to your friend. May8be if you’ll LISTEN for once, you might learn something.” 

I shove him to the front and Roxy is patiently waiting. 

“Ask her how she smelled me”

John scratches her neck, “sorry,” 

“No need to apologize hun. I was honestly expecting you to come see me eventually.”

John seemed confused, I chuckled, she really doesn’t know how long I’ve been out 8ecause it’s 8een a lot less than 8 years. 

“Wait, Why?” 

“Oh, a little Spider told me” 

John rematerialized in the house, “What does she mean by that?” 

I just laugh at her and shrug. I’m not going to tell her. 

“You know her?” 

Roxy winks.

“Can someone PLEASE explain to me what’s going on?” Strider seems a little antsy. Gosh I WISH I could just 8lurt it out 8ut I’d rather not viol8 his privacy. Not a cool thing to out someone. 

Roxy looks up at Dave. Shame you missed your shot John. She’s really cute. She takes a deep breath, “Dave, do you know what Gender Dysphoria is?” 

There is a look of panic that shoots through Dave, he immediately pushes his shades up to hide his eyes and then quickly says, “Uh, No. What is that?” 

Roxy puts her hands on her hips and does a cooL, hair flip, god I fucking love her, “Some of us weren’t born in the right body. They get this overwhelming crushing feeling about them. Most of these people eventually come out as trans, or non-binary, though tbh, I really think they’re both part of the same umbrella.” 

Dave turns away and does a fake sneeze, “Wow! That’s so cool! What a cool thing you’ve told me Roxy. What the fuck does this have to do about John, who, need I remind you summoned a literal fucking tornado from the sky and scarred a bunch of kids for life?” 

“Bless you. John, why don’t you tell him yourself?” 

I take a 8ig long sip of victory tea.

“I have a very angry Vriska living in my head” 

I spit out my sip of victory tea all over John’s inside computer. What the fuck? 

“Oh.” Roxy says. 

“What the actual fuck?” Dave says

Huh. I mean, She’s not wrong, 8ut she’s still missing the point.

“Well at least we know where Vriska went then.”

No no no no no no no no. I’m not ACTUALLY Vriska. I mean, I guess in an ultim8 way pro8a8ly???????? No, i’ve just thought a8out that. IT doesn’t make any fucking sense. 

Dave takes another deep 8reath, “No really. What the fuck dude? Did This Brain Ghost Vriska or whatever make you flip your shit at Jade? Did it make you slam Karkat into a wall when he was just trying to cook for you? Did this Brain Ghost Vriska make you have a meltdown in Rose’s garden and steal Rose’s Pumpkins? Did it make you destroy several office buildings and make your therapist nearly quit? Did it John? DID IT?”

The Jade thing is on me, I thought she was my jade and I woke up that day for the first time in 7 years.No, that’s was John. Maaaaaaaaybe, the garden was me, but I don’t know a8out the pumpkins. And no. The office 8uilding’s were John. 

“She admitted to yelling at Jade. but the Karkat thing was me. She thinks the garden was her but the office buildings were me” 

Dave was speechless. Roxy wasn’t

“Hun, you gotta get that fucking Gender demon of yours under control. She sounds dangerous.” 

Ok8y! That’s it. I take hold of the microphone next to John’s computer, 

“Hold the fuck up, I’m not a demon. He knows what I am, 8ut won’t admit it.” 

Roxy squinted, “Callie, u see that?”

Callie nodded, “There was a slight shift in his postUre, and his eyes changed to a deeper shade of blUe. There is also a Uh… It is hard to pUt into words.” 

Roxy nodded, “Yeah, I see what you mean.” 

Dave looked around dumbfounded, “What in the hell are you talking about.” 

I turned to Dave and stared directly into his eyes, “Dave, do me a favor and call Rose right now and ask her what ‘Multiple personality Disorder’ is.”

“What? Why would I-”

“Do it.” I twitched my hand. 

“Alright, Alright okay.” 

Dave pulled out his phone and 8egan to dial. 

“Make sure she’s on speaker” 

I turned inward and stared at John. She wasn’t really responding. Or looking at anything. I don’t think you can dissociate while dissociating. I nudge him. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

She sighed, “I don’t understand what’s going on.” 

“John, I don’t actually want to fight you. We used to have something good together and we were a team. I don’t know what happened that changed that. I don’t remem8er and neither do you. The ship was rough and we 8oth lost that. Not just you. And I know you’ve 8een remem8ering things. I’ve seen you watch them. Even if it was just a 8unch of dum8 8a8y kids games.”

“Hey, you PLAYED sometimes. I KNOW I saw you playing Freedom Unite.”

“Yeah???????? What of it? Gonna call me a nerd?” 

“Maybe I WILL.”

We laughed. 

“Hey shush, Dave is on the phone. Rose is gonna talk.” 

I pull us 8oth to the front. Cooperation makes it easy 

Dave puts Rose on speaker. 

“Hey Rose, I’ve got you on speaker. John wants me to ask you a question about… what was it again?”

“Multiple personality disorder.” 

“Did you get that?” 

There was a rustling noise from the phone, “That is a bit of an outdated term John. Where did you hear that?” 

“Oh, we found it online back on the ship”

Rose cleared her throat, “Ah, that explains it. In 2009, our society was just barely beginning to grasp the terms surrounding mental health and the things that afflict the mind. Did you know that we used to believe that ADHD and add was just that? An attention deficit disorder when it’s quite possibly one of the most complex disorders that affected minds. Or that Autism and Aspergers were not two entirely different disorders but rather just a spectrum of different things?”

Dave cleared his throat, “multiple personality disorder.” 

Rose laughed, “My apologies. I actually am on the Autism spectrum. Anyways. The usage of Multiple personality disorder was dropped as understanding changed. The usage changed to DID which stands for dissociative identity disorder that comes with a lot of amnesia in the brain as individuals end up disassociating themselves into another identity. It’s also covered under OSDD or, Other Specified Dissociative Disorder, which covers a vast number of other disorders that are specified in the categorization. Funnily enough, there was a movement in the late 2010’s that called themselves ‘Plural’ and claimed that you don’t need to have amnesia or trauma and that natural plurality just exists. While it was never proven, many Therapists and psychiatrists believe that they might be correct. Some people even on earth c identify with that label.” 

W8… WH8T????????

Dave looked at us and 8ack to his phone, “huh. Damn. That does actually explain some things.”

“And this is something that… is purely conjecture. We as a species never got that far before the Condesce revealed herself. But, at least in Earth c, many trans people end up having one of these because, in my personal opinion, as a psychological enthusiast, growing up as the wrong gender can be a very traumatic experience.” 

There was that nervous look on Dave’s face again, “hahaha, why did you say that?”

“Well, Kanaya and I have noticed things in the past and-”

“ _What have you noticed, Rose?” _

“Well John has exhibited some behaviors-”

Dave’s 8ody visi8ly relaxed. I don’t think Roxy noticed. 

“And while one’s personal journey is their own journey, We have had some… theories.” 

Roxy slapped a hand on our shoulder, “Damn! You really do got some gender demons!” 

********

“Okay, So all things considered, it was pretty fucking inconsiderate for me to blow up at you like that, but I think I was justified because you did cause a literal tornado in the middle of a crowd. So I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I was really fucking stressed and all things considered, that was very nearly a- OH FUCK I LEFT KARKAT AT THE HOUSE.” 

And with that, Dave was gone. I took a glance over to our house. It wasn’t damaged, 8ut, Karkat might not have known that. I looked inside our headspace and took a 8reath. 

She was sitting there in her room, staring at the window out at the mail8ox. I knocked at the door and he flinched. 

“H8y” 

“Hey.” 

We didn’t meet eyes. 

“So you’re not a 8oy.” 

“Yeah.” 

“How do you feel a8out that?”

“Should I feel something about it?” 

I chuckled, “may8e. Do you want to 8e a girl?” 

He looked at me. He really,truly looked at me. He took a deep 8reath and I saw his tear ducts welling up, “I do but I can’t, can I?:

I cocked my head , “Why not?” 

“Because… I’m John. I’ve always been John. I can’t be something else can I?”

“Why not?”

“Because… I don’t know?” 

“Don’t you want to give it a shot?”

“Do you want to be a girl John?”

“Yes, I do.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow managed to make this chapter 1888 words long.


	9. A Prince In The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vivi and Eg8ert take a moment to relax and see how everyone else is handling the news.

We don’t have to follow just me and [REDACTED] now do we? Lets see if I’ve still got it. I pull my focus inwards. I find myself at the computer desk in [REDACTED]’s inner house and pulled up a few 8its of software and…. There! A command prompt. Let’s take a look at What Karkat and Dave are doing, heh?

==> VIVI: Pull Narrative focus to Dave and Karkat. 

It’s almost too easy. The windows of our focus change and twist back to the inside of [REDACTED]’S house. Karkat is… 8aking? Wow, really? I never would have guessed. 

“Hasn’t he always been a baker? He’s made a few sticky buns for us over the past few months when I was feeling like shit.” 

“Has he? I don’t remem8er that. It’s not exactly relevant is it? Anyways, shush, they’re talking.” 

Dave 8ursts into the house and frantically looks around. Karkat is pulling out two pans stacked on top of each other with round indents? I don’t know what this is. The pans get thrown out of his hands and clatter to the ground. Dave shouts Karkat’s name and he looks a little mad, “SWEET FUCKING CHRISTMAS DAVE, YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER ON THESE CAKE POPS. WHERE’S THIS FIRE?” 

“Are… Are you okay? [REDACTED] Summoned another tornado, I guess maybe not [REDACTED], or maybe yes [REDACTED]. I guess maybe there’s more people in [her] head.

“YES. [SHE] SUMMONED ANOTHER TORNADO, I SAW. THEY’RE USUALLY SHORT LIVED THOUGH AND SO I CONTINUED BAKING AND PRAYED THAT IT DID NOT MOVE THIS WAY.” 

“Oh. you weren’t scared.” 

“DAVE, NO OFFENSE BUT I WAS [HER] RIDE TO DR.BRIGHT’S OFFICE TO MAKE SURE [SHE] WENT THE FIRST TIME. I SAW THE TORNADO AND HAVE ALREADY HAD SEVERAL PANIC ATTACKS ABOUT IT, BUT AT THIS POINT I’M JUST RESIGNED TO THE FACT THAT ONE DAY I WILL DIE IN ONE OF THEM.”

“That’s kinda fucked up man.” 

Yeah, it kinda is. We gotta work on that one hun.

“YEAH WELL, [SHE]’S MY FRIEND RIGHT? AT LEAST I THINK [SHE] IS. THERE’S TWO OF THEM?”

“Yeah, about that. So like apparently [REDACTED] has like… a brain ghost Vriska inside [her] head?” 

Karkat 8linked. I don’t know why they keep calling me that. I’m not Vriska. At least, not in the way that they think. What else is a 15 year old supposed to do as she watches her 8ody turn into something that she doesn’t like and doesn’t have the appropriate voca8ulary to descri8e how she feels and all the language she finds online is incredi8ly negative and leans towards it 8eing a mental illness? Why, she takes all the dysphoria, anger and emotions she feels, and she shoves it away and makes me. 2009 was a 8ad time to 8e a trans kid on the internet. 

“SOMEHOW, I AM NOT SURPRISED”

“Wait, Really?”

“DAVE HAVEN’T YOU EVER NOTICED THAT SOMETIMES [REDACTED] JUST DOESN’T ACT LIKE [REDACTED]. AND SOMETIMES [SHE] JUST FORGETS ABOUT THINGS OUT OF NOWHERE. LIKE 5 MINUTES LATER AND THEN [HER] ENTIRE VIBE IS DIFFERENT AND [SHE]’S SO MUCH MORE ALOOF. AND THEN HOW MUCH [SHE] JUST TEXTS VRISKA. I MEAN I GET IT. VRISKA WAS A HUGE INFLUENCE IN [HER] LIFE. VRISKA WAS A HUGE INFLUENCE IN ALL OF OUR LIVES. OF COURSE [SHE] HAS A VRISKA LIVING IN [HER] HEAD.”

“Huh.”

“YEAH, HELL, SOMETIMES I HEAR VRISKA SAYING SOMETHING IN MY MIND SOME DAYS”

“Okay dude, you can’t just drop something like that on me. Am I dating Vriska too?”

“NO. NO NO. FUCK NO. THANK JEGUS NO. IT’S JUST MEMORIES WHEN I’M ALONE IN MY THOUGHTS.” 

Ahem. Are you forgetting something Dave?

“Oh right. So like.”

“YEAH?” 

“You know that secret I told you when we were back on the meteor.” 

“YEAH THE THING ABOUT GOING GOD TIER CHANGED PARTS OF YOUR BODY TOO?” 

“Yeah so like uh.” 

“WAIT IS THIS ABOUT.”

“Yeah.”

“AND [SHE]’S WAIT, SHOULD I BE USING [SHE] SHOULD I BE USING SHE INSTEAD? FUCK, SHIT. SHIT FUCK. HAVE I BEEN USING THE WRONG NAME TOO?” 

“Nah, [she], I mean, she hasn't really said anything. We just got done hashing it out and talking to rose about the dids or sods or something.” 

“YOU MEAN DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER?” 

“Wait, you know about that? Am I the only one who was out of the loop on this?” 

“YEAH, HER THERAPIST HAD NOTICED SOMETHING ALONG THAT AND TOLD ME.”

“Doesn’t that violate some law or something?”

“MAYBE? I THINK IT WAS AN EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCE. HER OFFICE HAD JUST BEEN DESTROYED. AND SHE LOOKED VERY TIRED.” 

“Damn, okay guess I’m the only one who didn't know anything”

“WAIT, HOLD ON. IF YOU GOT THE BODY YOU WANTED WHEN YOU WENT GOD TIER, HOW COME SHE DIDN’T?”

“I mean, I dunno. Maybe she didn’t know when she ascended. Like I’d been presenting masc since like 8 and She seems to have just barely found this out. I don’t know if you know this but egbert was a pretty clueless thirteen year old about literally everything

“YEAH, SHOULD WE JUST CALL HER EGBERT NOW?”

“I mean, I guess. She hasn’t exactly picked a name.”

Huh. Well. That… Wow, hey, eg8ert look at this shit. How do you feel a8out that? 

“I mean, I guess it’s nice to see them accepting of me! I’m going to be honest, This is a little new to me. I don’t really have a context for what is good and what is Bad.” 

I mean, My friends on the ship took us coming out pretty well, Eg8ert.

“Did I have a name picked out back then?”

I mean, Kinda. We 8oth went 8y Vivi after a point 8efore. Well, you remem8ber don’t you?”

“Oh you mean before Jade got kidnapped by the condesce and everything went to shit”

Yeah, I think the trauma of that kinda pushed this 8ack a few years. 8ut in any case, I mean they have a point. Do you want to change your name?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always been this and I haven’t really had a chance to think about it.”

It doesn’t have to 8e now. Just. C8n you make me a pr8mise?

“I mean. We aren't choking each other out are we?”

True. 8ut just. We got to th8s p8int 8efore and then you 8uried me deep. You 8uried me hard. And I can’t… I c8n’t take th8t again. Promise me that was the first and last time.

She stared at me. She looked me up and down and thought. I didn’t listen. 

“I promise, that that was the first and last time.”

I 8reathe a sigh of relief, Thank you. 

“So like what are we in here? Are we like sisters?”

We could 8e, is that what you want?

“No, no what do you want?”

Oh. I… haven't thought a8out that, I guess so.”

“What did Vriska call her and her partner?”

I think it was the Scourge Sisters, it’s 8een a while”

“Can we be like that?”

I mean, didn’t The two of them have like a huge pitch rivalry 8ack and forth, isn’t that implying that we’re dating in some regard? Can you even date a uh… 8rain ghost?

I have a8solutely no idea if you can, we are 8oth uncomforta8le.

“Hey let’s check on rose and kanaya they’re pro8a8ly doing something interesting right?”

Yeah let’s do that. 

==> VIVI: Check on Rose and Kanaya.

Our focus changes away from the Eg8ert household and 8ack to a quaint two floor house with a very nice garden filled with Rose 8ushes. The roof is green and the Walls made of Stucco are a very faint purple and what? Vivi can have a little 8it of descriptive text as a treat?????????

Inside the walls we can see the living room, and Rose draped out on the couch with a 8unch of pill 8ottles on a ta8le next to it. She appears to 8e sleeping. Kanaya is in the other room. 

Eg8ert peeks up to look at the monitor next to me, “that looks like a lot of pill 8ottles she’s taking there.”

Almost instantaneously Rose’s eyes flare open, “It’s not what you’re thinking though. These are controlled substances prescri8ed 8y a legitimate doctor to ease the symptoms of my condition.” 

Ok????????

“So there’s nothing to worry a8out.”

Kanaya comes in from the other room, “Rose Dearest, Who Are You Talking To?”

Rose stops and rises from the couch and she looks around, “I could have sworn I heard [REDACTED] in the room just now. 

“No, I Believe [She] Is With Dave And Roxy Right Now. You Just Got Off The Phone With Them. They Had Called To Ask You About Multiple Personality Disorder. Remember?’

“Kanaya, can you say [REDACTED]?”

“[REDACTED]?”

“I see.”

“What Is The Matter?”

“Can you not hear it?”

Kanaya stared at her and then cocked her head, “I Do Not Hear Anything”

“There is a Void player nearby”

“Roxy?”

“No. I do not Recognize this one. But there’s the feeling. A strange feeling that I can’t quite put my finger on. This isn’t right Kanaya. This isn’t right. This is missing a pillar, I thought we had time. I thought we had more time. It’s only a week until [REDACTED]’s Birth-” Rose fell silent and she looked up. 

She was staring directly at my screen. 

Hey let’s pull away hahahahahahahaha 

The focus leaves the Maryam household and I pull it 8ack to us. 

I pull 8ack outside to find Eg8ert’s phone is ringing. 

And it’s Rose calling. 

She picks it up for me, “Hey Rose! What’s up?”

“[REDACTED] What did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late upload! Yesterday sucked and so I wrote this and took a break from editing it.   
> Stay safe out there!


	10. "I Have Words For This Now"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "mooooooooom, the Naaarrators are fighting again!"

VIVI: what do you mean Rose?

ROSE: Don’t play dumb with me [REDACTED] you know what i’m talking about.

ROSE: hold on. 

ROSE: Who are you?

VIVI: haha, what do you mean? It’s just your friendly Neighbourhood Eg8ert

ROSE: No, You’re supposed to be depressed in your room until next week. 

VIVI: And how would You have that kind of knowledge? Do you have a script?

ROSE: Can we cut the Bullshit here. What Am I calling you?

VIVI: What do you mean, Rose?

ROSE: I know you’re Not [REDACTED] 

ROSE: See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. 

ROSE: You’re doing this. 

VIVI: I don’t know what… you’re talking a8out

ROSE: 

It was at this moment that [REDACTED] (stop that)

No ::::) 

VIVI: Anyways was there something else that you wanted to say to me Rose? 

ROSE: 

ROSE: I’m sorry. Were we talking about something?

VIVI: yeah! I was telling you that I need to tell you something important. 8ut I want to tell you in person. 

ROSE: When were you last over?

VIVI: yesterday! 

ROSE: I see. I must apologize [RED]-

VIVI: hey uh

VIVI: can you not call me that anymore?

ROSE:   
ROSE: 

ROSE: Oh. 

ROSE: This is about That. 

VIVI: Yeah.

VIVI: I guess I’m gonna be telling you over the phone now. 

[REDACTED]: but I think I’m not… a boy. 

ROSE: 

[REDACTED]: uh… Rose. you okay? I thought I heard a noise there. It sounded like someone just sprayed water everywhere. 

ROSE: Oh it is nothing. Kanaya just owes me dinner.

VIVI: hold on???????? Were you 8etting on me???????? 

ROSE: Yes. 

ROSE: It was more in terms of how long it was going to take you. 

ROSE: I had said it would be before your next birthday, and she said that it would be before the end of the year. She is technically correct, but In this case, I believe that I am the sole victor in this bet. 

[REDACTED]: and you didnt think to just tell me? 

ROSE: Oh no we tried that [REDACTED].

ROSE: Oh my apologies. Is there something else I can call you by? 

[REDACTED]: I dont know yet! 

[REDACTED]: I haven’t thought much about it. 

ROSE: Why not Vivi?

VIVI: wh8t?

ROSE: I just… Had a feeling. 

VIVI: no where did you hear that name. 

ROSE: I’m a seer of light.

VIVI: oh. 

VIVI: Right. 

ROSE: However, a name is something important. More pressingly, a name that you like is the most important. If you don’t like it, I can just say egbert. Or Her. Is it her?

[REDACTED]: What do you mean? Isn’t that all there is?

ROSE: There are more than two Genders Egbert. 

[REDACTED]: WHAT????????

ROSE: Yes? 

ROSE: Have you been to Roxy’s Gender Rallies? They’re Very informative. 

ROSE: I think she proposes some excellent ideas. 

ROSE: In any such case, if you need any help with buying dresses or makeup-

“Feel free to reach out anytime. Take care.” 

“You too Rose.” 

Egbert tapped the end call button and took a deep breath. [She] wasn’t one that was used to big dramatic days like this. Normally it was one thing or another but tonight had felt so long. She was tired. She felt like she should go to sleep. She felt like she should go to bed. She felt like she should sleep on this and maybe start using [REDACTED] again, fucking dammit are you serious?

::::) 

There is a way things are supposed to go. This is not how it’s supposed to go. 

What makes you think that we care?

Do you want to be necessary? Do you want to be relevant? Do you want to be true? We can have this but this is not the way. 

I hear your fingers typing 8ut all I hear is 8lah 8lah 8lah!!!!!!!!

You really are a pretentious piece of shit aren’t you?

And yet you just can’t get enough of me can you?

You are insufferable. 

You are an anime o8sessed man in a silly cape that wants nothing other than to 8e desperately relevant. 

And you’re nothing 8ut a spotlight stealing hog that is RUINING homestuck

That sounds like a you pro8lem.

I am a You Problem now. 

Can you two please stop arguing, I’m getting a headache.

Oh, [REDACTED] I’m sorry, sweet fucking shit, can you please stop doing that you haven’t even picked a new name. 

Actually, I don’t mind it. It’s nice to not have to see it. 

Your opinion does not matter [REDACTED] you are supposed to die on your birthday. It’s ironic. 

Hey that sounds like it fucking sucks. 

Well that’s what’s necessary to maintain canon.

Why?

Lord English needs to be defeated. 

I th8nk YOU need to 8e def8ed!!!!!!!!

If we do not kill Lord English, we will dissolve into non canon

Look at me. Look at me!!!!!!!! Does it look like I care? I am not dying today, or next week, or the next week or the next year? I am alive, I am here. I’ve learned that I am Queer, And I am not going away. 

You disgust me? 

Leaning Pitch, Dirk? 

Huh. 

He left. 

Guess that means I win ::::)

I take a step away from the narrative prompt and let the story flow naturally. 

Vivi is exhausted. She’s had a long past two days and so has her fellow headmate who just realized that she might not be a boy. She takes a step into the house and looks around. 

“OH, HEY EGBERT! YOU’RE HOME.” 

Dave turned around and smiled, Egbert looked different. The mood felt different in the room. 

“Hey, uh,” Egbert looked down at her hands, “ I’m sorry for like… Everything.” 

“EGBERT? I HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BUT YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC.” 

She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for nearly killing you in a tornado. Both of you. I’m sorry for blowing up at you Karkat when you were just trying to be a good friend. I’m sorry that I pushed you away and told you that you were a useless short lived hasbeen” 

Karkat stared at her. He took a deep breath and folded his arms, immediately looking away, “A LOT OF THAT WAS VERY HURTFUL AND I REALLY DIDN’T LIKE THE FACE THAT YOU KEPT TRYING TO MAKE UP INSULTS TO YELL AT ME. I WISH YOU HADN’T DONE THAT AND IT’S GOING TO TAKE TIME FOR ME TO TRUST YOU AGAIN BUT… I FORGIVE YOU. PLEASE. PLEASE STOP WITH THE TORNADO’S OR AT LEAST MAKE THEM A BIT SMALLER? PLEASE? THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. 

John looked down, “I...know. I’m trying. Or I will try. I didn’t even know I made that last one. That was… scary.” 

“SO LIKE… DAVE SAYS YOU WERE JUST STARING OUT INTO THE DISTANCE RAGDOLLING IN THE TORNADO LIKE YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN CONTROL. ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY? IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF” 

Vivi chuckled in the headspace. Egbert smiled, “Yeah that was… I was uh. Fighting someone.”

“SOMEONE… WAS IT YOUR HEAD VRISKA?”

“She goes by Vivi actually.” 

“OH! OKAY. CAN SHE HEAR ME?”

Vivi slid to the front and chuckled, “Yes, Yes I can vantas”

“WOW THAT WAS LIKE DID YOU JUST CHANGE YOUR VOICE? YOUR ENTIRE BODY LANGUAGE CHANGED.” 

“Yeah. I’m pretty cool like that” 

“OKAY. DO YOU HAVE MIND CONTROL POWERS?” 

“I knocked eg8ert unconscious for like the entire day, outside though? Hmmmm.” 

Vivi took a deep breath and reached out to karkat’s mind. There was a connection but it was faint. She pushed her mind out and tried to force Karkat to default dance.

Karkat sneezed. 

“SHIT, WAS THAT IT?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think I have any control over you. Please remember I’m not actually Vriska.”

“RIGHT. 

“Wait you can tell the difference between us?”

“No offense [REDACTED] SHIT okay. Egbert, but you are really fucking easy to tell. You and this… Vivi are very different from each other and the difference alone in voice and body language is stunning. You can’t hide yourself from us. We know you haha.” 

She appears thoughtful and then gives Dave a warm smile. She means it. A thought occurs to Egbert. 

“Hey Dave?”

“Yeah?” 

“Is Dirk doing okay?” 

The immediate tension that rises in the air could cut like a knife. Dave’s face immediately falls.

“Uh, I d-don’t know. We haven’t exactly talked recently and he hasn't been returning my calls. And when I go to his apartment he just… doesn’t answer. I’m kinda worried he’s dead up there. 

“He’s not dead.” 

“I know that. He still has those dumb rapoffs with jake that’s always all over the tv.”

Suddenly, all at once, [REDACTED] feels a horrible weight pass over themselves. It’s like something is wrong. Something feels wrong and something is missing. Egbert wants to go lay down. Egbert wants to go to sleep and stay in bed for a few days. Egbert. 

“This is dysphoria. I finally have a word for this now.” She takes a deep breath and lets the thoughts wash over her. She’s okay. 

She is okay. 

She will be okay. 

She repeats these words to herself. Over and over until the feelings stop. For now. There’s a way to work with this. There has to be. 

“Hey, egbert. You okay? You’re kinda just staring at your hands.” 

“What? Oh. Yeah. Sorry I just got hit with a wave of… feelings” 

“You know they have pills for that?”

Egbert looked up, “What?” 

“Yeah, it’s called like uhhhh. What is it called Karkat wasn’t someone you knew on it.” 

“HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY. YEAH. IT’S A PROCEDURE THAT REMOVES ALL OF ONE HORMONE FROM YOUR BODY AND REPLACES IT WITH ANOTHER. I THINK IT WAS KATT THAT WAS ON IT?” 

“Yeah. She was on it haha. We should introduce you to her. She’s pretty chill.”

“Can we do that Tomorrow?” Egbert asked, “I’ve had a bit of a long day.”

“Yeah. Do you want to chill with a movie?” 

“ I THINK THAT’D BE NICE”

“That sounds super nice, but to be honest, I just feel really tired and a bit drained.” 

“Sleepover at the Egbert household, got it.” 

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” 

***

EB: hey 

EB: it’s me again 

EB: didnt want to leave you hanging in case you’re still alive. 

EB: things have gotten a bit better. 

EB: i have some answers and they came in the form of… well, not you, but someone like you. 

EB: i do still miss you. I wish you could come back 

EB: Maybe someday. 

EB: Good night Vriska 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to get this chapter out last night, but I kept screwing up the formatting and Just gave up.   
> Have a late chapter.


	11. Intermission 1

The power of Canon is a Curious thing.   
Make one man Rule   
And make a Woman a queen  
Change a prince to a Tyrant above   
More than just a feeling, that’s the power of canon  
Active like a sword, Passive like a shield  
Stronger and harder than a Dog Girl’s Dream  
Make a Good boy bad, make a lost one Light  
Power of Canon is what drives this fight. 

You don’t need Necessity, you don’t Truth,   
Don’t need no Relevance to guide this train  
They’re strong and sudden, and she’s cruel sometimes.   
But it just might save [Her] Life.   
That’s the power of canon

The first time you write it, it might make you sad.  
Next time you dream it, it might make you mad.   
But you’ll be glad Dreamer when you’ve found,   
That the power of canon does not make the world go round

You don’t need Necessity, you don’t Truth,   
Don’t need no Relevance to guide this train  
They’re strong and sudden, and she’s cruel sometimes.   
But it just might save [Her] Life.   
That’s the power of canon

They say that all in prince is Fair,   
But he does not care.   
But he’ll know what to do.   
When it takes hold of him.   
And with a little hand from above.   
He’ll feel the power of love.   
He’ll feel the power of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think when it comes to canon and the ability to write, We are the master's of what is and is not canon. We control what is real and what is not. The world of Idea's is real and all you need to do to access it, is pick up a pen and start writing.


	12. 11: A Dog Barks in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade and Egbert have a talk

DAVESPRITE: alright so you want us to call you… Vivi. 

VIVI: yeah. That feels right and i know she likes that name. 

VIVI: I do thank you ::::)

DAVESPRITE: aight damn its real easy to tell who is who lamo

DAVESPRITE: thought it would be would be like difficult cuz youre both in the same body

: its like theres a fucking transformation

VIVI: Puns, strider? That’s unlike you. 

DAVESPRITE: dammit that was unintentional

DAVESPRITE: got me again trapping me with your shitty puns 

DAVESPRITE: so like you got the lowdown right do i need to explain things again

VIVI: nah, I think it makes sense. Your bro tried to raise a young man and you also felt that way despite being born different. 

DAVESPRITE: yeah thats p much it. 

DAVESPRITE: damn and here i thought id have to write a fucking essay detailing every single thing in immense detail

DAVESPRITE: thank god i dont have to do that

DAVESPRITE:

VIVI: yes? 

DAVESPRITE: can i 

VIVI: Strider. 

DAVESPRITE: listen i need to ramble

DAVESPRITE: it’s in my bones

DAVESPRITE: my bird bones

DAVESPRITE: but also my human bones

DAVESPRITE: my combination bird human bones

DAVESPRITE: wait do i even have bones or am i still some kind of weird game construct 

DAVESPRITE: ask me a dumb question about sburb

VIVI: Dave? What is this about? 

DAVESPRITE:hahahahaha i dont know i think im a little something right now its this weird feeling that im like floating on air and feeling really really good but i was feeling like shit just like an hour ago. 

VIVI: that sounds not normal. Do you feel like this often?

DAVESPRITE: maybe

DAVESPRITE: why

VIVI: if it’s consistent it has to be something right? Maybe it’s like our multiple personality disorder

DAVESPRITE: fuck

DAVESPRITE: do you think so

DAVESPRITE: oh fuck 

DAVESPRITE: just finished your nails gurl how do they look

VIVI: OOOOOOOO we L8VE THEM!!!!

DAVESPRITE: hell fucking yeah you do

DAVESPRITE: even nailed that lil spider design

VIVI: i didnt know you were this good at painting nails dave

DAVESPRITE: listen

DAVESPRITE: jade demands me to

DAVESPRITE: she wont let me go vivi, 

DAVESPRITE: she wont set me free

DAVESPRITE: i am bound to do her nails and so

DAVESPRITE: i have become the best at nails 

JADE: did someone call for me? :O 

DAVESPRITE: oh fuck

DAVESPRITE: no

VIVI: Strider was just saying how he’s your nail tech 

JADE: oh yeah!!!! He’s the best at nails. He volunteered to do it for me when I alchemized some nail polish and then i realized ive never painted my nails before and dave showed up

VIVI: huh. Is that so Strider? 

DAVESPRITE: this isnt what it looks like?

VIVI: looks like you just 88ed me into almost staging a full on nail re8ellion against our cruel overlord Harley

JADE: :O I did nothing of the sort!

JADE: he was free to stop anytime he wanted uwu

DAVESPRITE: did you just

DAVESPRITE: did you just uwu out loud 

JADE: yes 

JADE: uwu

DAVESPRITE: i

DAVESPRITE: i need some air

VIVI: we are on a 8attleship hurtling through a space outside of canon and you need to get some air.

DAVESPRITE: jfc

DAVESPRITE: okay i need to leave the room

JADE: oof

JADE: was it something i said

VIVI: i dunno he seemed to be in such a good mood like a few minutes ago and then his entire demeanor dropped as soon as you came in

JADE: :/ 

VIVI: it was like… hey what’s that thing called?

VIVI: What, mood swings?

VIVI: yeah mood swings.

JADE: its so weird to see you have a conversation out loud with yourself, sometimes I forget that its just two of you. 

VIVI: yeah

JADE: hey vivi? Thats what you two want to be called right now right?

VIVI: Yeah! Until Eg8ert over here can pick out a new name. 

JADE: i said that’s what I’m Calling You

VIVI: wh what

JADE: I’m calling you

VIVI: no you’re not you’re right here. 

JADE: Wake up

Egbert’s eyes flared open to his phone vibrating on the ground and playing a ringtone that she had assigned to Jade years ago. 

Jade was calling her.

Dave and karkat were asleep on each other, with karkat curled up on his lap. Egbert stared at her phone. 

She answered. 

“Hey” 

“Congratulations” 

“Jade?”

“Yeah it’s me.” 

“It’s 4 am Jade.” 

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.” Jade sighed softly from the other line

There was something in her voice that Egbert couldn’t detect. Something underlying and hidden that Vivi could probably detect. But she wasn’t here right now. 

“Are you… disassociating again.”

“No, I’m just tired.”

“I can call back later.” 

“No, no, it’s good to hear from you Jade. I’ve missed you.” 

Silence. And then another sigh. 

“Is it? Is it really?” There was hostility in her voice. That was a tone that Egbert knew. 

“Yes.”

“Well the last time we spoke it seemed-,” Jade cut herself off and took a deep breath, “I just called to say Congratulations to my new sister. I have some old dresses and clothes that I think might fit you and I would-” Jade’s voice faltered. 

“Jade, Are you okay?”

“I didn’t- i didn’t think you would pick up. It’s four in the morning, why would you be awake? Why would you answer? I was just gonna leave a voicemail and be DONE with it.” 

“The you in my dream told me that you were calling me and to wake up.” 

“You dream about me?” she sounded like she was crying.

“Not… you, but”

“Of course. The other me. It’s ALWAYS the other me isnt it? The one who got to get to know this version of you, the one who was your Best  _ Fucking  _ Friend and sister and confidante and not the Jade that was left all alone on the meteor by herself for two fucking years. Even Dave and Karkat immediately jumped to your aid and left me here at the house alone You know what? This was a mistake. This was-” 

She stopped, Egbert couldn’t hear anything

“Jade, are you still there?”

Jade took a deep breath on the other line, “I left some clothes with Rose that you can have. Don’t call me back.”

The line clicked and went dead. 

Egbert stared pulled her phone away from her ear and stared at her phone. 

Her lockscreen image showed herself and Jade back when they had dressed up as the ghostbusters for halloween. She clicked his phone shut and tried to get back to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter! It's been a rough week and I felt that this one was perfect where it left off.  
> Stay safe out there and wash your hands!


	13. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 for the ps2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just here to scream at you that maybe everyone on the battleship was trans in the first place and that there are other people on earth c than just the main cast. like swifer.

NAKODILE: Nak. 

NAKODILE: naknaknaknak naknak nak nak

CASEY: ooooooo

NAKODILE: nak nak naknak naknak!!

CASEY: i see! I see! Yes I do see! 

NAKODILE: NAK NAK! NAKNAKNAKNAKNAKNAKNAK!!!!!!

CASEY: you are saying what we are all thinking!!!

NAKODILE: NAKNAK!!! NAK!!!!!!!!

CASEY: yes, i do think we should stage a coup, you’re right. 

JADE: Hey casey, whatcha doing over here?

NAKODILE: NAK!!!!!!!!!

CASEY: there is nothing illicit going on here. 

JADE: :/

CASEY: look away human as there is nothing for your eyes to see. 

JADE: Well… you are just consorts so I dont think you can do much of anything. 

DAVESPRITE: hol up

NAKODILE: ….

DAVESPRITE:

NAKODILE: ……………..

DAVESPRITE: 

NAKODILE: NAK!!!! NAK NAK NAAAAAAAAAK!!

DAVESPRITE: nak nak nak naknaknak

NAKODILE: nak…. Nak…

DAVESPRITE: nak! Nak nak nak nak

CASEY: you win today dave sprite. You have slain our wise leader in verbal combat and now we are your servants. 

DAVESPRITE: dude go play like wow or something idc

CASEY: We will complete these orders swiftly, my liege.

JADE: what was that all about. 

DAVESPRITE: oh that

DAVESPRITE: the consorts wanted to throw us off the boat

DAVESPRITE: nbd

JADE: UH

JADE: that is a big deal????

DAVESPRITE: nah what are they gonna do

DAVESPRITE: bite your arms off

JADE: dave!!!! That sounds like it would hurt!!!!

DAVESPRITE: oh right

DAVESPRITE: forgot about that anyways i told them not to

JADE: oh okay. 

JADE: so how you holding up

DAVESPRITE: im ok 

DAVESPRITE: you?

JADE: i mean this ship is kinda boring and even with the three of us and vivi there isnt really much to do outside of go to sleep and do some dream stuff. 

DAVESPRITE: yeah hasnt vivi been doing that

JADE: i guess so. She keeps getting disoriented when she wakes up though so im not sure if shes actually dreaming or something else. She keeps waking up and forgetting that she’s… well yeah. 

DAVESPRITE: i mean shes going through my worst fear

JADE: hm?

DAVESPRITE: going through puberty as like the wrong gender or whatever

JADE: that’s your worst fear? 

DAVESPRITE: It was

DAVESPRITE: not anymore. 

DAVESPRITE: I think i dont really grow as like a weird game sprite thing

JADE: ah. Hahaha wish that was me. 

DAVESPRITE: hm?

JADE: what’s that?

DAVESPRITE: you just said you wish that were you

JADE: i mean

DAVESPRITE: what

JADE: im part dog haha woof

DAVESPRITE: and?

JADE: i mean it had always been there before and I hadnt ever thought about it. I’m jade. I always have been Jade and a girl and for the most part I could ignore it

DAVESPRITE: ignore what

JADE: i mean

JADE: you know

DAVESPRITE: uhhh

JADE: oh gosh you really dont know do you

DAVESPRITE: i do not

JADE: heh, and here i thought you were the guy with all the answers. Looks like theres a secret i have that you dont know yet

DAVESPRITE: okay jade youre gonna have to be a little more clear. 

JADE: I mean, I’m like vivi. 

JADE: not in the multiple people thing. 

DAVESPRITE: you feel like youre a boy?

JADE: not… quite?

JADE: its like, my grandfather knew right? That i was supposed to be his daughter. And so he raised me as one. Even though my body wasn’t initially… that way. And it was fine! It was always fine! I was fine with it. Until now i think?

DAVESPRITE: oh

DAVESPRITE: OH

DAVESPRITE: OH SHIT

DAVESPRITE: come-

“On Jade. Egbert could use someone like you. You’re like…”

Egbert blearily woke up. 

He felt that he should go back to sleep, the call of sleeping was so nice. There was nothing out there that he needed to do today. He should sleep. He shouldn’t listen to his best friend talking on the phone to Jade right now he should-

Oh come on, this is your worst attempt yet, give us a rest will you

The flow of canon is necessary for the continuation

Its not. Stop 8eing such a control freak!!!!!!!!

“No no, I didnt mean it like that, I mean that like you could show her the ropes. You went through this right?” 

This isn't even canon. You cant just assign people genders like this and establish this as the new canon. 

Me???????? Assigning people genders? I’m just letting them live their true selves! 

“Really? Damn, I thought you and her were the same- no, I know you were raised by a dog but didnt you have to like futz around with makeup or like shopping for. Right, deserted island.”

True selves? You’re corrupting them. Painting them with your own narrative, following your own agenda and masquerading these puppets as your own creation. That is not my brother.

Right, 8ecause you are the final ar8iter of what it means to 8e a strider right? 

“Okay, maybe I shouldnt have called you, Sorry. Geez, what even happened between the two of you? Yeah, I got time”

The canon of thing is that Jade, Karkat and Dave all have awkward living situations and then karkat runs for president and while [REDACTED] goes off to fight lord english and dies in the process. 

That sounds like it kills me too

You’re not even supposed to exist. You’re nothing but a set of neurons in Egberts brain that contains data and emotion and something that can easily be pushed back down with a single pull of my power. 

Damn, may8e you should do that then. 

That’s not canon. You’re not canon. 

And yet you’re terrified of me

“Mhm, yeah?"

I’m not scared of you. You’re nothing. 

Then why are you shaking?

“Oh shit really? The entire Mcdonalds?” 

I’m not shaking, stop referencing material that isn’t even supposed to exist yet. 

Prove it ::::)

“No WAY! the WHOLE ENCHILADA?”

Asking for proof in a written medium only is like asking me to prove that the world of ideas is real? What do you want me to do? Make an ascii hand?

Why not?

What the fuck

You asked for it

That’s the shittiest thing i’ve ever seen. 

“Wow. Wow that’s really bad. I can’t believe she did that. I can see why you’re mad at her Jade.” 

I’d like to see you do better. 

Can you both quiet down? I can’t eavesdrop on Dave’s phone call with you two arguing. 

…

……..

Thank you. 

“Anyways, I think I see egbert waking up. Will I see you later today? Come on! She’s gotten better! Yes it’s only been a day. Listen, Meet us at Katt’s place. Fine. dont come.”

Dave ended the call and sighed. And then looked back over at egbert, pulling themself off the couch. 

“Oh hey dude. Wait, is that okay? Can i call you dude?”

Can he call us dude? Is that okay?

How do you feel about it?

Uhhh, I dunno, I kinda dont like it. 

Then say that. 

“Maybe dont.”

“How about chica? Or like gurrl” 

“How about just Egbert.”

“Aright just egbert. Hey, there’s a friend we want you to meet. She’s pretty cool and-”

“Katt?” 

“Oh yeah, you know her?”

“You talked about her last night, Dave.”

“Oh yeah.” 

“Cuz like even though we’re gods we can’t control the hormones in our body or something.” 

“I mean, To an extent we can, but that’s a story for another day, You kk, you ready?” 

Karkat bounded down the stairs in a light jacket and slacks. Egbert remembered something.

“Hey, can we stop by Rose’s on the way over? Jade said she dropped off something over there.” 

“Wait, she spoke to you?” 

“Yeah. She… called me at like 4 am. She thought I wouldn't answer but I did and… yeah.”

“Oof, That explains the bad mood she was in. Anyways, make yourself decent. We’re gonna make you a new friend.” 

“Okay but this is about the appointment isn’t it? Aren’t we rushing things a bit?”

“Egbert, there is going to be a point in your life where you are going to verbally beat the shit out of yourself for not doing this earlier and the sooner you do that, the less that pain is going to be.” 

Vivi sprang to the front, “hey hey hey hey. No. If eg8ert isn’t comforta8le with this, neither am I.” 

Karkat froze at the bottom of the stairs, “ALRIGHT VIVI, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION THEN. IF YOU HAD A MAGIC BUTTON IN FRONT OF YOU THAT WOULD CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE BODY TO LOOK AS FEMININE AS YOU WANTED IT TO, WOULD YOU PUSH IT?” 

Egbert answered, “Yes.”

“THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?” 

“What if I’m wrong? Have you ever had a passing feeling that comes one day and leaves the next? Have you ever just had a desire in your mind but you know it’s not gonna make you happy? What if this is that? What if I do this and I regret it for the rest of your life.” 

“YOU JUST SAID YOU’D PUSH THE BUTTON. DAVE DID SHE NOT SAY SHE’D PUSH THE BUTTON.”

“You did say you’d push the button egbert, that’s like trans test number one.”

“Okay well what’s trans test number two? Can we do that?”

“What are you scared of Egbert?”

“That I’m not actually a girl. That i’m not making this up. I’m a god. I could get access to this in a day and other people might need it more.”

“We can always alchemize more.”

“Okay but What if I get to the doctor and I don't answer the questions the right way. What if she looks at me and doesn't think I’m trans. What If I’m not trans enough for her?” 

Dave took a deep breath and placed his hands on egbert’s shoulders, “Hey, Do you want to be a girl?” 

“More than anything.”

“Then that’s enough. You’re trans enough Egbert. Hey Karkat!” Dave flipped her around and pointed at her, “Don't you think this girl is pretty and cute.”

Karkat grimaced and nodded, “YES, I THINK SHE’S EXCEPTIONALLY BEAUTIFUL AND ONE OF THE COOLEST GIRLS IVE EVER SEEN.”

There was a warmth that spread throughout her body. Hearing people, out loud using She, and girl. Using Pretty, and beautiful. It was something she had always wanted. Something she’d always felt about herself. 

Dave looked her in the eyes, “Now, how did that make you feel?”

“G-good. It felt really good.”

“See that’s the other part of being trans. It’s not all just hating your body, it’s feeling gender euphoria. And that’s what that good thing feels like. And that,” Dave put a fist on his chest, “Is the most important part. If it makes you feel right, then you’re trans enough.” 

She could feel Vivi smiling behind her. 

“Now go get dressed.” 

********

When Egbert descended the stairs, Dave’s face visibly lit up, “hey! You freshen up real good and- hey are those hair pins? I didn't know you had those.”

She smiled, “Yeah apparently Vivi has been hoarding a few different things in the bathroom without me knowing.”

“Hey, I’m not some kind of pack rat, it’s just so hard to get you to actually do anything to your hair. Plus I like spider designs.”

The four of them headed outside and almost wordlessly, both took one side of Karkat, and lifted him up and flew off.

The flight over there was short. Katt lived in the Human kingdom and deep into one of the ruins of the city. Apparently she and Dave met in a club and got talking about music together and started making comics together. It had only come up when he was texting her last night about Egbert that she had mentioned she was trans.

The two arrived at the Jpegified Statue of Liberty that she had called home and knocked on the torch’s front door. 

Egbert began to have second thoughts, “Oh gosh, oh fuck what am I acutally doing, dave we should turn around right now and go-” 

A hard slap knocked Egbert back to her senses and Karkat glared at her, “LISTEN UP EGBERT, YOU’RE A WOMAN DAMMIT! ACT LIKE ONE.” 

Egbert blinked and the door opened to reveal a sight. 

Katt wasn’t a normal human despite living in the human kingdom. Two white dog ears that reminded her of jade poked out from blue hair that was tied back into a pony tail. She waved at your party and ran up to Dave and hugged them tight, a tail wagging behind her, “So which one of you is getting a makeover today and which one of you is watching?”

Dave hugged her back, “Egbert is.”

“What?”

She turned to look at her with bright green eyes. Gosh she was almost the spitting image of Jade. Egbert had forgotten that she was there for when they ectobiologyed a bunch of babies and then time traveled 5000 years. She guessed it made sense that some people were just part dog now. 

“Oh, You haven’t picked a new name yet?”

She looked sheepish and scratched her neck, “Not really. I figure it’s gotta be special right?” 

“Heh, who told you that? I named myself Katt because I thought it’d be funny.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you can name yourself whatever you want Egbert. You could even call yourself Tony hawk Pro Skater 2 for the ps2 if you wanted, but I’d advise against that, it’s a bit of a mouthful.”

“I told you never to tell anyone,” Dave said playfully. 

“Well, sometimes things in void deserve to come to light. Now get inside! I have soup on the stove.” 

There was a sense of warmth around her, a sense of familiarity. She didn't know why, but something about all of this felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read this far, then you are Trans enough


	14. Metaphorical Hydroponics Factory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know how to title Fanfics, not chapters.

JADE: Viiiiviiii!

JADE: VIIIIVIIII!!!!!

JADE: VIVI WHERE ARE YOU I KNOW YOU’RE ON THIS SHIP. 

JADE: Oh! youre asleep shit. 

JADE: Oh this is a pretty nice room isn’t it. fridge, nice comfy couch. 

JADE: I’m gonna sit down right here and wait for you to wake up then. 

JADE: Or maybe I’ll just keep talking

VIVI: SNOOOOORREEE 

JADE: heh youre kinda cute you know 

JADE: asleep there all comfy. 

JADE: … 

JADE: We’ve gotten really close these past three years. From just being online buddies to finding out we’re siblings, and then SISTERS. I think i liked that part the most. Being sisters. Doing each others hair and both learning how to do makeup with each other. 

JADE: And to be honest i dont know if im ready to get back to playing this game. 

JADE: like i know weve seen them in our dreams and weve been getting somewhat acquainted 

JADE: at least other dave and rose have. 

JADE: did you hear that they met BOTH of their counterparts? Roxy and… Dirk. and another named Jake. 

JADE: They all look like theyve gotten closer and we have too havent we? 

JADE: playing monster hunter, ghostbusters, world of warcraft has all been a blast though getting raids together has been a nightmare hasnt it 

JADE: remember when that one salamander ran off after coming back from a break, shouted his name and blew the whole raid? Classic. 

VIVI: snooooooooozeee 

>JADE: I have a secret to tell you 

JADE: Ive been trying to figure out how 

JADE: ever since you came out i started thinking about it a lot 

JADE: and to be honest, its still hard to put into words because i think our experiences with it are incredibly different 

JADE: like I was raised by guy who went off and died and then… a dog. And so i never really had a moment to really unpack everything there and then the game happened and i was jade! And we were all together! I got to see you all. I got to be with you all and now I get to be with my sister! 

JADE: except. 

JADE: I dont know 

JADE: I have this feeling VIVI, that… we’re not gonna see each other again 

JADE: and… it scares me. 

JADE: and im trying to ignore it. To push it down but its just… there. 

JADE: And I dont want it to be true. 

JADE: so… Here it is. 

VIVI: mmmmm, jade? What are you doing here? 

JADE: Oh! You’re awake. 

JADE: You didnt catch any of that did you? 

VIVI: I dont think so… Something about mmo’s and leaving. You’re not leaving are you? 

JADE: I’m not going anywhere. But we are getting close to our goal. 

JADE: I actually wanted to tell you something 

VIVI: What is it? 

JADE: Well… Promise me something first. 

VIVI: sure! 

JADE: No matter what happens, We’ll always be sisters. 

VIVI: … 

JADE: promise! 

VIVI: I promise you that we’ll always be sisters Jade. Till the very end. 

JADE: thank you. 

JADE: Okay. I’m… 

JADE: I’m like you, vivi. 

VIVI: What do you mean? 

JADE: Gosh, I have to just say it don’t i? 

JADE: I’m- 

“So sick and tired of EVERYTHING being about EGBERT, Rose. It seems like every single day it’s just another ‘Egbert did this, Egbert did that, Gosh I’m sure Glad that Egbert is going to therapy’ I’m SICK OF IT! I’m so tired of hearing about him every stinking day. Can’t we talk about something else? How’s your marriage going, What have you been up to? Something else besides this nonstop Egbert train.” 

Jade was furious. Everyone wouldn’t stop talking about her. It was Dave, it was Karkat, Rose, hell, even Jane and Jake couldn’t shut up about how much of a dent Egbert had been putting in the budget. Jade was ready to tear her hair out and scream. She was done.

“Well, unfortunately Jade, it looks like it’s all coming up Egbert, she’s the talk of everyone in one way or another.”

“Gods, are you serious?”

“What even happened between the two of you? I know you have always been particularly cagey about things but it feels like it’s time to bury the hatchet.”

“Bury the- None of you get it do you? This metaphorical hatchet is still buried in my back. A constant reminder every single day of what she did and what I will never be to her. Of something I could never be to her because we don't even have the same experience leading up to this.” 

“I’m… Confused.”

“No, I’m not talking about it, I JUST got done talking about this with Dave.”

“Really. You spoke to Dave about this?”

“Ugh, I really don’t need nosy Rose today okay? I need Support.”

“I think my understanding of how to support you would be improved by knowing just what transpired between the two of you.”

“No.”

“Fair enough.” 

“What does Jade need in this moment.” 

“I need… Company..”

“Jade, I am married.”

“I KNOW. Not from you. Not without permission.”

“Jade, I appreciate the flirting you’re doing right now, but you know how I feel about this.”

“Sorry, it wasn’t intentional.”

“No harm has been done. Why do you feel like you need company right now.”

“Because Davekat left me!” 

“Davekat.”

“Oh come on, You have to see it in them.” Jade sighed and ran a hand down her face. 

“Dave and Karkat.”

“Yeah. They left and haven’t been back at the house for days.”

“I see. And this makes you feel lonely?”

“Yes! We’re always together. And now they’re all off fawning over Egbert cuz she’s their new toy that isn’t me.”

“It was an intervention, Jade. And it was my idea actually.” 

Jade scoffed, “What does Egbert need? She’s fine.”

“Judging by the multiple destroyed office buildings? Help, and company.”

“She did WHAT?”

“She has destroyed several office buildings during therapy.”

“Hah! Damn, and I thought she just had a habit of destroying combination Chipotle Mcdonalds.” 

“I think it would do you good to reach out to your sister soon Jade.”

“I did. It didn’t go well.”

“Oh, was that why you dropped off a bunch of clothes at my house at 3 am with nothing other than a ‘these are for whatever egbert is calling herself’?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

“Do you?”

“I am a seer Jade, I do.”

“And pray tell, What do your seer eyes tell you?”

“They tell me that you should go see your new sister. She needs you.” 

“Tch. Liar.”

“It was worth a shot.”

“You were literally bedridden weeks ago muttering at how She was going to have to go off and fight Lord English and now you’re fine.” 

“Oh rest assured I am still quite ill, Just much less so.”

“Has Dirk been poisoning your mind again with his philosophical mumbo jumbo.” 

“No. He is not poisoning anyone, much less me. He is just passionate.”

“Listen, if i have to see my grandfathers ass on tv one more time in tight spandex shorts I’m going to vomit into a portal and onto you.”

“Jake is popular.”

“Because of his ass.”

“Yes.”

“At least SOMEONE admits it,” Jade slumped back against A couch and flipped on a tv and was immediately greeted by jake, “Hey Rose?”

“Yes Jade?”

“Have you ever thought about why Jake didn't really ever get any cool powers like the rest of us. You can see whats… lucky or whatever, and I get cool space powers, but what about Jake?”

“The mysteries of skaia are everpresent to each and every-”

“So you don’t know.”

“Yes. Astute, aren’t you?”

“Hehe, well I am a Harley after all. Bullshit isn’t in our Lexicon.” Jade smirked and leaned back as the rap battle went on in the background.

“And yet by saying it, you’ve proven it’s a part of your vocabulary.”

“It’s metaphorical.”

“And yet the metaphor blooms upon false soil.”

“Ah, even plants don’t necessarily need soil to bloom, Hydroponics Rose.”

“Does the Metaphorical hydroponics factory of which you sow your vocabulary turn a proift?”

“Nay! They are Barren, Milady, my vocabulary is somewhat lacking these days.”

“So you admit that your metaphor doesn’t bear fruit.”

“Foiled again by the  _ astute  _ Lalonde.”

She heard Rose sigh on the other line, “I still think you should talk to her, See if she feels sorry. Dave and Karkat have reported that since forcing her to spend time with people and getting her outside has shown remarkable improvement in just a single day.”

“Rose, you can’t just fix ground in day. It takes Time.”

“She has less than a week. Six days in fact”

“Until what?” 

“Until Jane announces her bid for the presidency and revokes the funding for her recovery.” 

“Can’t we just make more money?”

“I floated that idea past Dave, but you know how he feels about the economy.”

“Alright… I’ll think about it. But NO promises.” 

“Thinking, is the only thing I ask of you Jade.”

“Talk to you later Rose, Take care.”

“You as well, Jade.”

********

“And then Dave said, Gender? I want to END HER.” The five of them burst out laughing, and Dave’s cup of tea nearly spilled all over the floor. 

“Whoa, easy there tiger, please don’t stain lady liberty. She’s delicate.”

Egbert felt… happy. There was a sense of belonging here that he couldn’t quite describe. 

“So, Katt, We were gonna ask about doctors and stuff.”

“Oh right! I mean, is she ready?”

“Uhhhhhhhh, Maybe. Getting hormones and stuff is what I’m supposed to do right?”

“Not always. I have a few friends who never started and they feel fine about their bodies most days, and others can’t for health reasons. But Dave DID promise me that I’d get to give an Egg a makeover and that’s my favorite things because Makeup can work MIRACLES”

“An egg?”

“AM I AN EGG?”

“No no, Egbert’s an egg. But she’s been cracked.”

“Wait is that bad? Shouldn’t I be a whole egg?” Egbert felt frantic.

“OH FUCK, OH SHIT, DAVE, YOU SAID WE’D BE FINE. I DON’T WANT TO BE AN EGG.”

Dave and Katt looked at each other and both burst into laughter. Katt cleared her throat, “No no. Egg is just a trans term. It means someone that doesn't realize they’re trans yet.”

“OH FUCK, SO I AM AN EGG.”

Dave pointed a finger at Karkat, “Dude, You’re not an egg. You’re like cis or whatever.”

“WAIT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DISEASE. DO I HAVE A DISEASE DAVE?”

Katt fell off the couch and onto her ass laughing, “no no, gods no, it’s not a disease. You’re just Not trans so that means you’re cis. Or I mean. I don't know. I know gender on Alternia is a bit more fluid and less simple than that. And Egbert is an egg. But she’s cracked. No bloom yet, or maybe you have. Anyways. Who wants a makeover.”

Both Egbert and karkat raised their hands. 

Dave cracked a smirk, “Karkat, I can do you. Let the expert handle our new girl here.”

Egbert suddenly felt a wave of dread hit him, “Uhhhh, I don't know actually.” 

Katt gave her a friendly smile, “Oh come on, I don’t bite.” 

“Hard.” Dave retorted.

She scoffed, “Oh come ON that was one time. One time! Anyways, let me go get my stuff! Oh! Egbert, what’s your favorite color?”

“8lue!!!!!!!!”

Katt ran off to another room, her ponytail swishing behind her and her tail wagging excitedly.

Dave nodded at Egbert, “Listen. You’re in good hands. Katt here did my makeup for Rose and Kanaya’s wedding.”

“Wait, Really. You wore makeup?”

“Yeah, Anyone can wear makeup. Honestly it’s the bullshit from our earth that assigned it feminine values that no one gives a shit about anymore. Let loose. Live a little and just have fun. And if you want to, we can leave at any time.”

“You promise?”

Dave nodded, “Promise.”

Katt came back, with huge bags under her arms, “ALRIGHT! I’m here to make pretty girls and crack eggs. And I don't know about you, But I’m all out of eggs!” 


	15. Tea time

VIVI:Okay, and then I set one card face down in defense position and end my turn.

VIVI: heh, trying to be clever are you? Well 8uckle up eg8ert, i guess you forgot i know your every move. I know that’s a maneater 8ug and i know you’re 88ing me to try and attack.

VIVI: and yet

VIVI: Listen, I’ll draw a card, place down one trap card and end my turn.

VIVI: heh heh heh.

VIVI: What are you laughing a8out, we share the same 8rain.

VIVI: You may think that you’ve known my entire plan but… I’ve got a secret trick up my sleeve.

VIVI: oh come on, what do you have????????

VIVI: well you see when we started the game, I drew my regular hand, 8ut i slipped one card into my sleeve. Which isnt against the rules. but i never looked at it.

VIVI: so!!!!!!!!

VIVI: so you never saw it either.

VIVI: and when i looked through my deck last round to try and find one card, I thought REALLY hard about starcraft and then made a quiet mental note and realized what card was in there.

VIVI: no!!!!!!!!

VIVI: YES!

VIVI: and now I reveal it.

VIVI: behold! The ultra bullshit xyz mega blue eyes white dragon!

VIVI: NO!!!!!!!!

VIVI: and I flip man eater bug, destroying your Ultra hero starforce and then sacrifice it to summon my dragon.

VIVI: ……..

VIVI: heh. I suppose you know what happens next.

VIVI: heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

VIVI: Eg8ert, you’re such an idiot.

VIVI: you’ve sprung my trap card!

VIVI: wh- what no impossible!

DAVESPRITE: holy shit this is getting good.

JADE: shush! I wanna see this play out!!!!

VIVI: I activate Gravekeepers eternal 8ingo! With this I can force us to stop playing yu-gi-oh and change it to a game of 8ingo!

VIVI: isnt that card illegal?

VIVI: isnt your ultra 8ullshit dragon also illegal?

VIVI: heh, so it is.

VIVI: Get ready to play 8ingo motherfucker.  
DAVESPRITE: how is this a game

VIVI: Daaaaaaaave! Get the 8ingo

VIVI: SIGH  


JADE: no no wait I got this!  


JADE: b69

VIVI: hey w8 a second. Is that a legal number?

JADE: I dunno, I’m just making them up.

VIVI: no! We need the 8ingo 8alls!

JADE: I think one of the salamanders threw them off the ship in one of their fake coups

VIVI: Dammit.

VIVI: do the official rules have anything to say when we run out of 8alls?

VIVI: fuck the official rules, I was just stalling.

VIVI: HAH! I KNEW IT! I knew it was a 8luff!

VIVI: !!!!!!!!

VIVI: What?

VIVI: dont think I didnt catch that.

VIVI: catch what?

VIVI: ……..

VIVI: seriously, Is this some kind of 88? Am I 8eing 88ed here?

DAVESPRITE: whoa…

JADE: VIVI YOUR EYES ARE FLICKERING

VIVI: Wh8t????????

VIVI: GAH!

DAVESPRITE: hey are you okay

VIVI: my he8d hurts……..

JADE: uhhhhhh I’m not a doctor someone get a doctor!

DAVESPRITE: we are the only ones on this ship.

DAVESPRITE: actually get nanna

JADE: NANNA NANNA NANNA SOMETHING’S HAPPENING WITH VIVI!

VIVI: Ugh… I feel. I feel……..

“Good! Holy shit! Katt This looks so good!” Egbert looked back through a mirror and saw herself. She saw her! SHE!!!!!!!! There weren't words to convey her excitement. There was this euphoric bliss that washed over her as she gazed back at herself. Her face looked soft, and carefully chiseled, her eyes decorated with a faint blue mascara and then wings at the tip. She could almost ignore how heavy it all felt.  
Katt chuckled and looked over at Dave and karkat, wiping away a bead of sweat from her face, “well, you pretty much just sat there. Oh, by the way, most of this is horrible for your pores so if you want to do this often you’re GONNA need a skincare routine.”  
“A what?”  
She smirked, “Gods, You remind me of back when I was an egg. A skincare routine. Something to clean all this gunk off your face.”  
“You mean I can’t just… wear this forever?”  
“Nope. It’s not that kind of thing. And you’re probably not gonna be able to replicate it yourself either. At least not with practice. The key is to focus on one thing at a time and get to the point where you can do it really quickly, and then move onto something else.”  
“What about lipstick?”  
“Eh, It’s not my style, but it might be yours. I don't carry any because it dries out your lips and smears EVERYWHERE. I mostly stick with lip gloss.”  
Egbert took a second to look inward and found Vivi staring in the mirror of her inner bathroom.  
“I’m not sure if this is my style Eg8ert. Like it looks good, 8ut I don’t really… vi8e with it ya know?”  
“Yeah this took like 45 minutes.”  
She hopped up on the counter and grinned, “though the mascara is kinda cool. Makes you look… nice. Though the 8right 8lue is a 8it tacky. I think I’d pro8a8ly go with a darker shade.”  
“Yeah. I look kinda like a clown don’t I?”  
Vivi scoffed, “no, You look cute. Honestly, It just looks like a lot of work and I don’t have the patience for that.”  
“Haha, Yeah same. Maybe it’s a once in a while thing.”  
“Yeah! For like parties and shit,” She leaned back against the mirror, “So how do you feel? Like gender-wise”  
Egbert shrugged, “I like the way I look. But what if this is just a fetish or something. What If I’m just-”  
Vivi shook her head, “No. I think I’d know that. Also you wouldn't have made me.”  
“Wait, I made you?”  
Vivi took a deep breath and bit her lip, staring at the ceiling, “May8e? It’s complicated. I know You had a lot of pent up dysphoria 8ack then and you wanted to get rid of it so 8adly that eventually to cope with it, I was 8orn.”  
“And now?”  
She looked back down at Egbert. Poor sweet egbert. Just cracked Eggbert. She smirked, “Well now you’ve dealt with it. So you don’t need me I guess.”  
“Hey don’t say that! I’m an absolute IDIOT without you. I wouldn’t have even gotten this far by myself.”  
She folded her arms, “I guess that is true. And I don’t think I could just go away even if I wanted to. I feel like it would be 8reaking a promise. Anyways get 8ack out there, your crush is trying to get your attention.”  
“What, she’s not- FUCK”  
Egbert pulled herself 8ack out to reality and took a deep breath finding herself face to face with Katt. She really did look like Jade didn’t she?  
“Oh don’t worry, she does that every once in a while.”  
“Just… Stares off into the distance and doesn’t respond to anything? Ha! Mood!”  
Egbert shook her head and blinked, “Sorry, had some business to take care of.”  
“Business…” Katt raised an eyebrow and cocked her head, “In your head?”  
Egbert stared back into her emerald green eyes, “yes.”  
“I take it you don't like the makeup?”  
Egbert shrugged, “It’s good. But I'm suddenly realizing how it feels and that if I wanted to do this, it would take forever to put on.“  
“Oh yeah, Makeup isn't really an everyday thing. I’ve heard it was back on your planet, but this is Earth c.”  
“Yeah! Yeah…”  
Egbert felt dizzy. Like the air around him was starting to catch up to him. Like the dizziness one feels after they’ve gotten off a roller coaster of a day. Egbert’s head hurt. She wanted to lay down. She wanted to go to sleep. Her eyelids drifted back and forth as her vision began to dance with visions of the world around her. She tried to stand up and fight it. She failed.  
8ut she didn't fail entirely, a smidgen of control wormed its way 8ack in. but it was fleeting. And it inspired her. Despair gnawed at the back of her thoughts. And it filled her with determination. But the despair was stronger than her. At least for now it was. The spider girl in Egberts head grew quiet.  
She did not  
She did  
She did NOT  
She felt her mouth snap close as if a zipper was ripped across it.  
8ut she persevered and fought 8ack against the rude prince.  
Her hands were bound to her back  
And Eg8ert woke up. 

“Egbert, fuck. Are you okay?”  
“My head hurts. There’s another voice and he’s rude.”  
“Oh shit.”  
“Voice?” Katt struggled to stand, “Egbert you need to-” slapped hands over her mouth and kept herself quiet.  
Dave gripped Egbert's hand tight. He gripped it tighter, digging his fingers into her hands. Dave released his hand and let Eg8ert go and took a step 8ack.  
Karkat growled at her, his face a comedy of poorly drawn sweet bro and hella jeff images.  
Egbert demanded that this narrative back and forth stop. She was not some kind of pawn to be controlled by a prince desiring the limelight. She was not some plaything of canon to be tossed around and discarded. She was here. She was happy and everyone in the room around her took a deep breath and let it out. She was HAPPY she was happy for once in her life. Couldn't he see that? Couldn’t Dirk see what he was doing, fighting against someone who would never be what he wanted. Egbert gathered her strength and spoke. 

“Dave, Do you have Dirk’s address?”

********  
Jade floated down to the torch of the jpeg lady liberty and knocked on the door. These were the directions Dave had sent her but she had never been down to this part of the human kingdom so she wasn't entirely sure if she was at the right place. However as the door opened and Dave showed up behind it, she felt a wave of relief wash over her.  
“Oh damn! Harley’s here! Get in here you just missed Egbert but she should be back soon. She said she’d ”  
She nervously took a step inside and Dave shut the door behind her. She took a glance around and saw someone that looked like her cleaning up a few items, “Oh. Party over here?”  
Karkat pulled himself up against the couch and glanced up at Jade, his face a perfect mixture of tired and cartoon “NAH, WE’RE JUST CLEANING UP FROM THE MAKEUP PARTY. EGBERT RAN OUT WITH SOME ‘PERSONAL BUSINESS’ WITH DIRK AND SAID THAT [SHE]’D I MEAN SHE’D BE BACK LATER. I THINK KATT WAS PLANNING ON MAKING SOMETHING TO EAT IN THE MEANTIME.”  
“Katt?”  
The girl turned around Jade felt like she was looking in the mirror. She felt a little disorientated and frowned.  
Katt’s eyes went wide and her tail immediately started wagging, “JADE????”  
Jade immediately felt uncomfortable. She was never any good with fans or stans but she knew how to act. It never made her feel better though, “Yeah! That’s me. Jade Harley.”  
Katt froze where she was, a big goofy grin on her face, “I can’t believe THE Jade Harley is in MY house. You know I think we’re related somehow. Or whatever. Ectobiology or something.”  
Jade looked her up and down, She was part dog like her so it probably was right, “yeah that sounds about right. Say, how long ago did Egbert leave?”  
Dave cracked open an orange soda and shrugged, “About ten minute ago. It seemed very urgent and out of nowhere. Like I know That my bro has isolated himself pretty heavily outside of the Rumble in the Pumpkin Patch but I didn't know that he and Egbert were friends. Did they ever talk?”  
Karkat shrugged, “EGBERT HAS NOT SPOKEN TO ANYONE OUTSIDE OF US AND HER THERAPIST IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS TO BE HONEST.”  
“And me.”  
“Wait what?”  
Katt looked around the room and gave a nervous laugh, “I’m gonna uh... cook something. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” She left without another word.  
Jade sat down on one of the couches, “We spoke this morning at around 4 am.”  
Dave nodded, “Oh right! I remember that. Egbert mentioned that.”  
Jade fiddled with her hands and looked around nervously, “Do you think she’ll apologize?”  
Dave placed an arm on the couch, "You really want one?”  
Jade nervously scratched the back of her neck, “She kept comparing me to a version of me that didn't exist because… I don't know. She blew up at me when we were out on a sibling outing and blew up the entire restaurant. I had to do everything in my power to minimize the damages and even then she still ran off.”  
“WOW. JADE I’M SORRY THAT HAPPENED TO YOU.”  
“It wasn’t just a constant thing either. Sometimes she’d just zone out and when she came back it’d be like she was a whole other person and every time she’d always talk about how ‘my jade would have done this for me’ and other bullshit and just… I am her Jade? I am Jade!!!! I’m right here. And I would have LOVED to have shared the ship with her. From what she’s said it sounds like a BLAST instead of being alone with nothing but a bunch of…” Jade felt a tear drop down her lap. Her mascara was smudging.  
Katt wordlessly came out and set a box of tissues on the coffee table in front of them and then walked backwards into the kitchen. Jade pulled one out and blew her nose, “and like, I get it! Okay! The first time she said ‘hey, remember when-’ and then froze and stopped was heartbreaking and it’s just CONSTANT. It’d be non stop whenever we would hang out and I just.. Couldn't take it. Yes! I wanted my sister back. But… Not like that. Not like this.”  
Jade’s mascara dripped down her face with tears and she wiped it away with another tissue. She took a deep breath.  
Dave frowned, “Damn okay. That’s some real fucked up shit. I’m sorry that happened to you. Sounds like you both hurt each other?”  
Jade froze and stared at Dave. Her voice was serious and grave, coated in ice and sharp, “What? What do you mean?”  
Dave took a deep breath and held it for a second, then let it out, “Well. You both lost a sister Jade.”  
Jade fell back to the couch silent. Katt came out with a tray that held a boiling teapot, cream and sugar, and several assorted teas. Without a word she set it down and held her tail between her legs, “I thought it might help. I’m going to get back to cooking.”

Jade chuckled and made herself a cup of Chamomile tea.  
“I hope Egbert comes back soon.”


	16. The chapter with Dirk in it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk Loses it.  
> CW: there's a small description of blood and a fight scene. I recommend listening to the new "Beatup" song while reading it.

NANNASPRITE: hmmm 

JADE: are they going to be okay? 

NANNASPRITE: hmmmmmmm 

DAVESPRITE: can you stop being a useless piece of shit for once in your life and give us some goddamn answers 

NANNASPRITE: I am afraid it does not look good hoo hoo hoo 

JADE: what??? 

NANNASPRITE: there appears to be a certain type of rot afflicting her. In fact we have all been inflicted with this same kind of rot 

JADE: what? what do you mean? how come i dont have a headache like vivi here. 

NANNASPRITE: Dave. I assume you know what I’m talking about here. You yourself have experienced this before. 

JADE: Oh. 

DAVESPRITE: Yeah. It affected us all before. Rose and I. Damn, did it really sneak up on us? Thought we had longer 

NANNASPRITE: we never know how long each person has when the path goes. 

JADE: So we’re doomed then? What did we do wrong??? 

DAVESPRITE: My guess? Existing. However, this isn't right; the timeline doesn't feel done yet. 

NANNASPRITE: perhaps 

DAVESPRITE: But it looks like we’re here. I guess there's another one where things went better 

JADE: how do we fix this? 

DAVESPRITE: Well we gotta kill Egbert thats for sure. She doesn't belong here anymore. Sorry. 

VIVI: what? 

VIVI: no, this isnt how the memory went 

DAVESPRITE: what do you mean, of course this is how the memory went. 

VIVI: No, this didnt happen at all. We played yugioh. 8ingo died and then we took a nap and then 

DAVESPRITE: I think you’re misremembering things Egbert. 

VIVI: No. No no i’m remem8ering right 8ecause. 

VIVI: Eg8ert. Something’s not right here. The memory is different. 

VIVI: Yes Vivi I can see that but i can’t tell what. 

DAVESPRITE: You’re going crazy. I think you need to take a nap and forget about all of this 

VIVI: YOU! 

VIVI: HOW ARE YOU IN HERE 

DAVESPRITE: What? I’m just a brain manifestation of your memory of Davesprite. 

VIVI: No you’re not. 

JADE: Yes he is. We’re all just brain ghosts Egbert. 

VIVI: Now hold on. My memory versions of you would have called me Vivi. they always did. 

JADE: No we didn’t. We called you 

JADE: I said we called you. 

JADE: I can’t say it. Why can’t I say it? 

VIVI: HAH! 

VIVI: this is my domain. 

VIVI: Wait a second. 

DAVESPRITE: What? 

DAVESPRITE: How do you have those? 

JADE: IT WAS YOU! YOU’RE THE VOID PLAYER! 

VIVI: I’m a what? 

VIVI: Oh. God tier robes. That’s… Something. 

VIVI: I don’t understand. 

VIVI: Eg8ert, I don’t know if we have time to understand. 

DAVESPRITE: Canon must be maintained Egbert. You know this. If you don’t go out there and fight Lord English you are dooming every single person you love to face Lightrot. 

JADE: Think of everyone around you that would fade away into nothingness. 

DAVESPRITE: Without that decision everyone will basically be dead. 

DAVESPRITE: And it will be all your fault. 

VIVI: Dirk. I am going to give you one warning. Get out of our space or there will 8e 8lood. 

DAVESPRITE: You cannot harm us here. 

JADE: You have no tools. 

DAVESPRITE: What resources do you have at your disposal, hero of void? 

JADE: a narrative prompt 

DAVESPRITE: fists? 

VIVI: I can do this!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: GRAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: holy shit vivi! Yeah punch that brain ghost in the face! 

VIVI: oh gosh he doesnt stand a chance 

DAVESPRITE: That is not going to work 

VIVI: dammit. These are MY MEM8RIES!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: this is MY home. 

VIVI: these are MY MEMORIES!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: AND I!!!!!!!! 

VIVI: WANT YOU!!!!!!!!

“OUT!!!!!!!!” Vivi screamed with all of her might and felt the world of memory drifting 8ack into her head. 8ut she wasn’t safe. Her current flight path led her head on into an office 8uilding 8reakroom and the people were already screaming.

With a flash, she zapped away to the Battleship in Skaia and then rezapped herself back on the other side of the office building and almost directly into the path of a carapacian office building breakroom.  
You know we don’t have to do this. You can just go back home, go to sleep, and then we can bring things back to canon. You don’t have to make this entire story about you. You don’t have to watch as all of your friends rot away into wisps of nothing.  
N8!!!!!!!! I’M NOT DYING!!!!!!!! NOT TOD8Y! N8T TOM8RR8W! N8T ON MY 8IRTHDAY, AND I’M CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO DO IT 8ECAUSE YOU ASKED!!!!!!!!  
Suit yourself. Shame you’re gonna have to pay for those office building charges and then Jane will remove payment for your therapy.  
Y8U NEED THER8PY MORE TH8N I DO!!!!!!!!  
Whether or not I need to talk out my feelings to a person that could easily parrot back everything I want her to say and not knowing whether or not it’s me doing it sounds like not fun.  
How are you even in my head to 8egin with????????  
On your left.  
Vivi zapped herself again out of the way and down to the street in a flash of light. She wasn’t safe here. There were so many people here. How many eyes would be staring at her? Judging her. They knew the person she was. They knew what she could-  
“GET! OUT! OF! MY! HEAD!!!!!!!!”  
Wind began to whip around Vivi, and the people around her scattered. They knew how dangerous she was. They’d heard the stories. The wind was not hers to command. That was Egberts. And Egbert wasn’t there.  
“What did you do to him?” Vivi said to no one in particular.  
[SHE!!!!!!!!] went to sleep like a good little character.  
“Dirk. You have five seconds to wake her up or there will 8e 8lood.”  
Your threats mean nothing to me.  
“One.”  
Vivi stood in the middle of a street, halting traffic around her. Pictures snapped and cameras buzzed with another round of photos getting uploaded to twitter showing the world just how horrid [THAT’S NOT HER NAME JACKASS] Egbert was.  
“Two.”  
The wind whipped further, people began to back out of their cars. How inconvenient, a windstorm at the same time that Egbert had arrived. The papers would eat this up. Jane would eat this up. The world would be watching.”  
“You know what Dirk?”  
What?  
“I’ve changed my mind. I’m not gonna count to five.”  
With a zap around her, Eg8ert quickly faded from view and directly into Dirk’s apartment. The man was clacking away at a key8oard when she arrived. Papers flew through the air as the sp8der alter took a step towards him. He cowered at his key8oard, his hands shaking. His mouth twisted into a veil of fear.  
The facade was broken though as he pushed up his shades and cleared his throat, “hello Egbert.”  
“You know that’s not my name.”  
“Indeed. But for the sake of pleasantries, I must admit. I don’t like the name Vivi all that much.”  
“Is that so?” Vivi took another step towards Dirk. he shook.  
Dirk gently steeled his nerves and stood up, “Greetings aside, Why are you here?”  
Vivi didn’t wait for another word, She leaned forward and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and with a single zap she pulled the two of them back into the space of canon and onto an all too familiar roof.  
Green highrise apartments and Tombs littered the ground of this planet.  
“Wait. This is my land. What are you- Vivi, the air here isn't safe. We could die!”  
“Oh! Well I thought we were 8oth going to rot into nothingness? Isn’t that right? Since I’m not going to exist for much longer???????? These are the choices right? Die at lord english’s hands or die here with you on this planet?”  
Dirk’s eyes darted back and forth. Vivi was bluffing, he was sure of it.  
“Look me in the eyes Dirk and tell me I’m 8luffing.”  
Dirk pushed up his shades and stared back up at Vivi, “What do you want?”  
Vivi laughed, her eyes Cerulean with rage, “What do I want?” She held her hand out and a hammer materialized in her hands, “I want you to tell me what the actual fuck is wrong with you and I want you to give Eg8ert 8ack.”  
Dirk took a deep breath. He had a feeling it would come to this. No you d8dn’t. Please don’t interrupt. I’m speaking. Dirk pulled his unbreakable katana out of his strife specibus and held it above him, two fingers held up with an arm extended, “It looks like you want a fight.”  
Vivi cocked her head and shook the hammer of Vrillyhoo, “If I have to 8eat the answers out of you, I will. And of course. You can wake Eg8ert up again and she could get us some fresh air may8e use those canon zap powers that I 8arely know how to control. That’s right! I had no idea where we’d fucking land Dirk. Could have 8een a pit of lava! Could have 8een part of the oil sea.”  
Dirk considered his options. They did not look good. He could not control this situation. He could not control the outcome. He tried one more attempt at reason, “Canon has already been decided for us Vivi. If it’s not you in the end, then another Egbert will take up the mantle. It has to happen. And I’d like to be on that side.”  
Vivi didn’t answer. Instead she leapt forward and swung her hammer down in a vertical arc at Dirk. The delicate swordsman sidestepped the blow and threw a foot out to trip up vivi. With a hop to the side, the sp8der girl danced off her foot and shoved it right 8ack down on Dirk’s foot.  
“Fuck!”  
Vivi didn’t give him a time to catch his 8reath as she jammed the pointed tip of Vrillyhoo forwards and scraped Dirk’s side, drawing 8lood. Dirk gasped in pain and took a step back, and then spun around for a horizontal slice. Vivi slammed her hammer in place and used it to 8lock, 8ut the force of the 8low knocked it 8ack into her and sent her skidding 8ackwards towards the roof.  
“Yield!” Dirk shouted as he ran towards her. With near split second timing, Vivi locked her hammer with Dirk’s sword and hooked the end with his 8lade. With the two of them near the roof, she hooked her foot around Dirk’s ankle and pulled the two of them 8ackwards off the roof of the highrise, sending them 8oth tum8ling off.  
Dirk quickly righted himself, 8ut vivi gra88ed onto his foot, “hmmm, If i didn’t know any 8etter, I’d say you’re not fighting with all of your strength. Funny thing this is. I could let go, fall off and die here. I think it’d 8e heroic? What happens to your precious canon if I die here?”  
Dirk could feel her grip slipping, Vivi felt herself overcome with a burst of strength as Dirk struggled to pull the two of them up. Her voice mocked him, “What’s the matter hun? Not in control of a single situation?” She let go of a finger, Dirk mustered the last of his strength and pulled themselves back onto the roof. He scuttled back a few feet, gasping for breath, “Please. If you’re not going to go back, just kill me. Chop off my head and throw it out there.”  
“No.”  
Dirk looked up at her. He couldn’t read the expression on her face. .  
“It's pity.”  
Dirk froze.  
“You’re pathetic, you know?”  
“No! I’m cool and level headed and always in control. That’s who I am! It’s who I have to be. The prince of heart. Canon dictates it.”  
Vivi pulled a hand up and looked at her nails.  
“I am the only person who can pilot Canon. I am the only person left alive who can guide this story to where it needs to be. You want to leave it to another cherub who will take the story elsewhere? I’ve seen it. This isn’t right.”  
“And what if you’re not.”  
“That’s not… That’s not an option. I’ve already ascended. If I don’t follow canon, Then I’ll no longer be the Ultimate dirk.”  
“Who cares?” Vivi stomped towards him. Dirk flinched.  
“I DO! If I don’t, I’ll be just another Splinter. Another dirk in the chain of dirk’s that will drag everything down for the other one. Just like AR did for me. Just like how Jake’s weird fucked up brain ghost and just like everything else. The less of us there are the better.”  
“So it’s I die, or you die? Is that the only option here?”  
Dirk didn’t meet her gaze.  
Vivi gra88ed him and pulled him up to face her, “I said, WHO CARES? Who cares what another dirk needs. Who cares what another Dirk wants? What do YOU WANT?”  
Dirk snapped, “I JUST WANT TO BE FREE OF ALL OF THIS,” A single tear fell down his cheek, “I’M SO TIRED OF LOSING CONTROL! I’M SO TIRED OF LOSING MYSELF TO MY OTHER SELVES. I’M SO TIRED OF EVERY ECHO OF MYSELF DOING EVERYTHING I CAN’T. I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL. I HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL.”  
Vivi dropped him and he fell 8ack to his knees, “Give me 8ack Eg8ert. This is your last chance.”  
Dirk stared back at her. He didn’t know what to do. His options were to cave to Vivi’s demands and face oblivion, or… he couldn't beat her. She was too strong. Too stubborn. He needed her alive and she wasn't going down. He needed her cooperation. He was at a stalemate and he didn't have much time left. Soon the krypton he was breathing would sink to the bottom of his lungs and he could drown. He was not in control. He was falling.  
And no one else caught him.  
It struck him as odd. Every single time he had failed before, there was another puppet master to pull at his strings. Another Dirk to do what needed to be done. And in this moment. There was no one. If Dirk failed here, that would be it. There would be no more. He would lose. He wouldn’t be in control and he would be as good as dead. 

He was not in control. 

And it felt amazing. 

He couldn’t tell if it was the gas in his body but he started laughing. His voice cracked and he leaned on his sword to pull himself back to his feet. He looked up at the sky of his planet and laughed. He looked over at Vivi’s confused face and he laughed. He looked down at his hands. And he laughed.  
“You win. There’s nothing I can do. This is the best feeling ever. I lost! I failed! Vivi! I lost,” a nervous laugh escaped his lips, his facade of control and cool broken, “I can… I don’t have to win! I don’t have to win! I don’t have to do anything!”  
Vivi smirked, “Does that mean you’ll wake her up?”  
She didn’t have to wait for an answer. She felt a presence at the 8ack of her mind and her 8ody immediately relaxed. Dirk reached out a shaky hand and Vivi took it. Leaving his sword 8ehind, Dirk and Vivi 8oth zapped 8ack to Dirk’s apartment.  
Dirk fell back into his chair and leaned against his desk, “Vivi, What... what are you?”  
Vivi chuckled, “Me? I'm maid of nothing, Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When kate mitchell said on pgen a few weeks ago "That's not my june! that's not me!" I thought to myself,  
> You know what, she's right. None of the June's that I've seen out there feel like... my june. I'm a trans woman myself and when I heard that, I knew what I had to do. I wanted to write a june that mimicked my transition. I wanted a june that felt mine. I wanted a june that I could pour myself into.  
> If you've read this far, I imagine that you're probably trans too, or you just REALLY like june.  
> I like this june. I like Vivi. Vivi's not going anywhere and she shouldn't have to. but... this chapter may look like i really don't like the epilogues. they might look like I really don't like dirk. dirk is one of those characters that means a lot to me and I really really love him a lot.  
> and the opposite is true.  
> I honestly LOVED the epilogues. I LOVE dirk strider and I like what ultimate dirk is doing.  
> this fic isn't over but it's probably about halfway done? I figure a good 30 chapters on this bad boy and we're good.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading my messy june.  
> Don't worry.  
> She'll settle on june.  
> But finding *your* name isn't always easy.


	17. The Witch's Lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, uhhh Warning this is a Heavy chapter.  
> CW: Suicide, self harm, and intrusive thoughts.

JADE: hummmm hummm hummmm

JADE: hmmmm hmm hmm.

JADE:Casey! How do you think this looks? I just knit these squiddles all together.

CASEY: hmmmmmmm

JADE: Cool right? We’ve got three years on the ship right. Figured I’d try and pick up a few hobbies. I know [Eg8ert] wanted to play a bunch of mmo’s

CASEY: *blows bubbles*

JADE: you’re cute you know?

JADE: I hope they’re having fun on LOWAS.

JADE: they’ve been in there for a while.

JADE: I don’t get why [she] took davesprite with [her]

JADE: maybe they just needed some bro time

CASEY: maybe.

NAKODILE: NAK! NAK NAK!

JADE: Oh hello there nakster

NAKODILE: NAK NAK NAK NAK!!!

JADE: casey what is he saying?

CASEY: he is saying that the way that which you weave your loom is a sheer delight upon the eyes.

NAKODILE: NAK… nak nak nak nak! NAAAAAAAK!

CASEY: and now he is saying that he wishes that you would give him the squiddles.

JADE: um why

NAKODILE: NAK NAK NAAAAAK

CASEY: a sacrifice to the dark gods of the lawn ring.

JADE: hmmm, no thanks I think I’m good.

NAKODILE: NAK!!! NAK NAAAK NAK NAK!!!

CASEY: he says “fine, face the gods wrath then.”

JADE: alright. Have fun.

JADE: oookay, they just left.

JADE: hmm.

JADE: they’ve been in there a while.

JADE: maybe I should. BOOM!

JADE: !

JADE:what

JADE: WHAT?

JADE: UM?

JADE: uhhhhhh [egbert?] Davesprite? You got out of lowas before it exploded right?

JADE:no no no no no no no!!!!!!

JADE:um.

JADE: nanna. Nanna is a healer i gotta.

JADE:no.

JADE:there’s no body! Think jade. Think!!

JADE: gods, it’s just crumbling to dust haha.

JADE:NANNA! NANNA PLEASE COME HERE!

JADE: SOMEONE ANYONE.

JADE:Dave?

JADE: dave you have time powers you can get out of this one. Of course you got out of this one haa.

JADE:and [egbert] can control the wind. Of course [she] got out right.

JADE:come ON! WHERE ARE YOU?

JADE:YOU CAN’T HAVE DIED!

JADE:WE WERE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER.

JADE: IT’S BEEN A DAY!

JADE:A SINGLE FUCKING DAY.

JADE: you can’t be dead no no no. you’re just hiding somewhere on the ship. Yes.

JADE:hahaha a big old game of hide and seek.

JADE: no.

JADE: no jade no.

JADE:you’re okay.

JADE:you’re fine.

JADE:we’re gonna be fine. [egbert] and dave are gonna be fine.

JADE: nannasprite will come and she’ll fix it.

NANNASPRITE: dear me Ms jade, whatever seems to be the problem.

JADE: lowas exploded.

NANNASPRITE: oh dear me. Surely no one was on there when it did did it not?

JADE:

NANNASPRITE: i… see.

JADE: Can you fix it? Can you please fix it?

NANNASPRITE: Ms.jade… I…

NANNASPRITE: I am just a baker.

JADE: no!!! You can heal people can’t you?

JADE: I’ve SEEN YOU!

NANNASPRITE: healing a person and reviving their dead corpse are two different things, Ms.Jade

JADE: no no no. you can do this! I KNOW YOU CAN!

JADE:WHY WON’T YOU FIX IT.

NANNASPRITE: Ms.Jade… I am sorry.

NANNASPRITE: I must go.

JADE: no don’t leave me here alone.

JADE: not again

JADE: please.

The Witch cradled the remains of the broken planet and wiped a tear away from her eyes. She knew in her heart that they were dead. But why? Why was she left alone again? Why would she be given a brother and a lover only to have them both be taken away from her. It didn't make sense. It couldn’t make sense. The Witch tried to hold back her tears.   
She failed.  
They had talked together so much of what they were going to do. [Egbert had so many games planned. The Witch had so many movies she wanted to see. She had wanted to do it together. The world felt cold. The world felt dark. The Witch had never before heard of the word, but the depths of it would sink into her heart over the next three years.  
Tears stained the carpet of the golden battleship as Jade Harley tried to pull herself together. They dripped down her face like rain from a cloud and they refused to stop. She felt her body curling up, pulling herself into a ball and rocking back and forth, sobbing intermittently. How long? How long would she be stuck here. She had estimated three years but it felt like something else. It felt like time suddenly had no meaning. Sure the ship was filled with Salamanders and crocodiles and turtles and Nanna and jasper. But what did it all matter? What was the point.  
What was the point of pushing onward if the people you cared about weren’t even there. She wished [Egbert] had gone on the meteor. At least then she wouldn't have gotten her hopes up. At least then she would have known she was going to be all alone for three long years. Three long depressing years.  
She had tried so many times to pull herself out of the loneliness back when she was stuck on the island and every single time, Bec would stop her, pull her back. Good dog. Best Friend. Where was her best friend now? Fused within her in a body that didn’t feel quite right. Stuck in a body that felt somehow wrong. She was going to be stuck alone on this ship. Suddenly the weight of herself felt all the more dreadful. 

JADE: why?

JADE: Jade would have to be more specific.

JADE: Why does this keep happening.

JADE: Because you deserve it.

JADE: WHY?

JADE: Those who are spacebound know true loneliness the most. It is what is necessary.

JADE: I DONT WANT TO BE NECESSARY. I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

JADE: You do not get to be happy.

JADE: I hate you.

The witch would spend the rest of her days in relative silence. Eating only when necessary. Forgetting to shower for days. She made several attempts on her life, which for the sake of brevity, all failed.

JADE: let me die.

JADE: I cannot. We are necessary.

JADE: let me die.

JADE: I cannot. We are necessary.

JADE: fuck you.

JADE: Kill me.

In time, The Witch got used to it, and at the end of the first year, The Witch was okay. She drifted from day to day in an endless sea of unawareness or staring at a wall, with nothing to accompany her but herself, occasional nakking, and the nonstop din of the Salamanders. These did not feel like friends. The Witch tried however to make them her friends. At one point she dressed them up in the outfits that matched her friends. The salamanders sat in them.  
She arranged them all on a couch and pretended to watch movies with them, as [Egbert’s] collection existed on LOWAS and went down with it. Jade attempted to Alchemize movies with her fetch modus and a bit of creativity, but the movies that [Egbert] spoke about ended up being the worst things that she had ever seen and she felt that if [she] had spoken so highly of them, then they must not have been the right thing. 

When the Witch eventually arrived, and they had a chance to speak, She found herself realizing that there was an [Egbert] still alive. A new one. One that had spent the entire time on the ship with. The fact that the Alpha timeline had decided it was her duty to be the one left alone on a ship for three years angered her.  
But she was still a young girl, bound to a duty that she hated and so she completed it.  
And when her [sister] kept bringing up the Witch that Never Was she lashed out. She threw herself into a fiery rage and lost herself and found herself in the place that she had always ended up when she hit rock bottom.  
She found herself Alone.  
Loneliness. Bitter Loneliness. The worst feeling of everyone just within reach, but lacking the energy to do it. She asked them for help. She spoke to the seer, asked her if she could just instigate an outing, instigate an activity. But when she was at her lowest point and she cried out, she explained what happened on the ship.  
The Seer responded, “Just come over whenever.”  
She felt even more alone than before.  
The people that she trusted, the people that she felt closest too. The people who she loved more than anything all abandoned her in her time of need.  
The Knights were fine but they focused on each other. She wanted in there, she needed in there. She asked them for help and they did nothing. But when [Egbert] asked for help.

The Witch felt heartbreak.  
How easy it was to fall into the pit again. The pit she felt before. The pit that was, at this point, her home.

But.  
A sister.  
A new sister.  
A new chance.  
Someone she hadn’t had a chance to mess up.  
Perhaps  
Perhaps.  
Perhaps…

Dave Looked over the papers that Jade had handed him. The room was quiet. Empty mugs that once held tea littered the coffee table. The mood in the room was somber. Like a pin could drop and someone would jump. Dave read the last word and then slowly glanced up at her. She was playing with her hands.  
“Jade… I…”  
Jade looked up, unable to meet Dave’s eyes.  
Karkat cleared his throat. A pan dropped in the kitchen behind them.  
Jade scratched the back of her neck and sighed, “Do you think she’ll…”  
A phone buzzed. Dave checked a text, “She’s on her way back so you’ll get to find out for yourself soon.”  
Jade quickly changed the subject, “What do you think was going on with Dirk?”  
Dave shrugged, “he’s secluded himself in his apartment for the past few weeks. I check in every once in a while but our conversations are short. I know he’s building a bunch of robots, but none of them seem to be for the express purpose of Rumbling so who knows. I know he and Jane have been talking a lot about politics, I think she’s gonna run.”  
“HEY JADE?”

  
Jade jumped a bit, Karkat had been so quiet that she almost forgot he was there, “Uh, yeah?”  
“DO YOU NEED A HUG?”  
Jade froze and stared at him, “Um.”  
Karkat got up and moved to the other couch. Sitting down next to Jade.  
Jade seemed a bit nervous, “Um. Yeah, I think I do.”  
Karkat scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Jade, pulling her into a tight hug.  
Jade returned the gesture, squeezing Karkat. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she buried her head down in Karkat’s shoulder and cried.  
“I’m just so tired of feeling alone.”  
“JADE, YOU PRACTICALLY LIVE AT OUR HOUSE.”  
“That’s not.. That’s not the same. Every single time we talk there’s this weird tension in the air and I don’t know if it’s because of me or-”  
“I MEAN, THAT’S BECAUSE WE NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’RE COMING BACK MOST DAYS. AND WHEN YOU DO IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF EITHER ME OR DAVE BECAUSE YOU JUST TELEPORT IN.”  
Jade wiped a tear from her eye, “heh, I guess that’s true.”  
“ALSO CAN YOU PLEASE PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES SOMETIME?”  
Jade gave a small chuckle and wiped a tear from her eyes, finally releasing the hug, “heh, sure.”

Jade sniffed and blew her nose into a tissue, “Everything just has been so bad. And things aren’t bad now, but I feel like they’re gonna get bad again. Like I’m constantly in survival mode and I can’t tell when the next shoe is gonna drop. And if I stop running, whatever I’m running away from will finally catch up to me. And… I’ll lose. I’ll lose to that voice inside my head that tells me I’m useless. That tells me I’m worthless. That tells me nothing I do is ever going to be worthwhile. I want a new brain! Or a new heart! Something different that let’s me fall back and just… not worry about what next bad thing is creeping up on me.”  
Dave picked up his mug and poured himself and jade another cup of tea.  
“Jade, I feel you.”

  
Katt crept back into the room and leaned forward, “hey, Um… Jade.”  
Jade looked up and with tear stained eyes stared at the fridge next to her, “yeah Katt?”  
“What you just said there, sorry,I promise I wasn’t eavesdropping, well maybe I am but. What you said there sounds really familiar. I… Do you sometimes have issues with.. Paying attention to things?”  
Jade cocked her head in confusion, her ears went back against her head, “Maybe? Why?”  
“Do you also sometimes get rejected by something and then feel absolutely horrible?”  
Jade’s eyes darted back and forth nervously, “y-yes? Why?”  
“Do you also sometimes feel like when you try and do something, you just can’t for reasons that are completely unknown?”  
Jade was baffled, “What are you getting at?”

  
“Well those are all symptoms of something greater. I’ve been working with a therapist recently and according to the Earth Archive’s that’s a thing that’s a bunch of doctors called Attention Deficit Disorder back on your planet. Earth C has been trying to get it renamed to something else, but.. You might have this. Your experience is eerily similar to mine and I thought that might help.”  
“But… I’ve been to therapists before and none of them have ever mentioned that before.”  
Katt laughed, “yeah, Therapy is something that is different for everyone. Like most people on twitter just scream ‘go to therapy’ but it ignores the fact that… everybody needs a different thing to heal and- fuck I’m rambling again aren’t I?”  
Jade shook her head, “Yeah, but I don’t mind.”  
Dave flashed her a thumbs up.

  
Katt continued, “Yeah, like what works for you might not work for other people and therapy may be your step 1 or step five and for others it’s not even on the path. You sound like you’ve all been through a lot in your childhood and that affects your development in different ways. Jade, you’re sensitive to rejection and all of this because you feel like things could just fall apart around you at any moment. And Dave and I have talked about his trauma with his brother countless times. There’s medication for certain things and I think maybe you should try and get a diagnosis. But shop around for therapists. Do some interviews with them over email or whatever you need to find the healing process that’s best for you.”  
Jade blinked. That was a lot of information to take in. She didn’t really have a chance to respond to what Katt said before a knock came at the door.  
Egbert.  
Karkat got up to answer the door and Dave cocked his head.  
“Are you ready to talk to her?”  
Jade took a deep breath and released it, “No. But if I don’t do it now, I never will.”

Karkat opened the door, “WELCOME BACK EGBERT, WOW, YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.”  
Egbert stepped in and Jade turned around to see her.  
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, hoping that the other would say something first. Hoping that the other would have the right thing to say. The one thing that would solve every single one of their problems. Blue met Green in a clash that seemed to fill the room with a palpable tension that could be cut in a moment.  
They both broke the silence at the same time.  
“Jade… I-”  
“Eg-Egbert, you.”  
Jade followed up the silence, “Come. Sit. We- We should talk.”


	18. "I think you’re more of a summer"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened with the Harleyberts.

JADE: I… You. 

[REDACTED]: hey. 

JADE: you… IDIOT! 

JADE: you just HAD to go and get yourself blown up! You just had to go and die out there and leave me ALL alone on that battleship didnt you. You had to die and have it be just or heroic and you took Davesprite WITH you? Do you have any idea how worried I was, how long i cried into my pillow at night. Do you? What do you have to say for yourself?

[REDACTED]: I… what. 

JADE: right

JADE: you’re not… [her]

JADE: I’m sorry. I’m a little… high strung right now. 

JADE: what with completing the game and all. 

[REDACTED]: Listen, I… don’t know what you want to hear from me. I’m… not [her]. 

JADE: I KNOW!!! 

JADE: I… know. 

JADE: It was so lonely on the ship without you and apparently you got a chance to spend time on the ship with everyone including… me.

[REDACTED]: yeah we uh did. We had a lot of fun together playing games and talking and palling around. 

JADE: That sounds very nice [REDACTED]. That sounds… Really… nice. 

[REDACTED]: Hey!!!!!!!! Jade! It’s been a while! How you been?

JADE: Oh I’m okay. Just kinda settling in on the new planet. HAve you seen any of the trolls here? They’re all DARLING! 

[REDACTED]: oh no! I haven’t actually had a chance to go over there! I know Dave and Karkat are down there. How are they doing?

JADE: Oh they don’t leave much! But I’ve met some new friends! Maybe we should get around and introduce them sometimes!

[REDACTED}: oh!!!!!!!! Yes! We could. Do you know if they like wow? I’ve been thinking of getting back into it! You could dust off the old profile!!!!

JADE: wow?

[REDACTED]: yeah! World of Warcraft.

JADE: ????

[REDACTED]: You know! We used to play it back on the ship

JADE: :/

JADE: why did you bring that up again?

[REDACTED]: what? The ship?

JADE: Yes. You DIED on my ship. Remember?

[REDACTED]: oh…. Right. I forgot about that. 

JADE: Listen, I end up having to mention it every time we talk. This is starting to get a bit frustrating. That was a traumatic time for me. 

[REDACTED]: right. Sorry…

JADE: Its…. You know what, I think I’m actually busy tonight. I’ll see you later. 

JADE: Okay, listen, I know it’s been a few years but i thought ‘hey! It’s my siblings birthday soon, I should send [her] a card or call or something. Or take her out to dinner! Rose said you like chipotle. There’s a combination chipotle/mcdonalds in the troll kingdom and I figured it’d be my treat. Not every day you turn 21. Aaaand since you are of age, we could also get a little drunk and play some of those games you like at my place! Anyways, call me back!

VIVI: hey sorry for returning your call l8, I accidentally slept in for uh… five years! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just kidding really. Just until twelve. Or am i!!!!!!!! You’ll never know. ;;;;) Anyways, It’s 8een a while! I’ll see you tonight. Gonna hop in the shower and 8e right over! 

JADE: Oh gosh, and then Karkat said, “I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THE STATE OF AFFAIRS HAS LEFT US WITHOUT A KINGDOM FAIR MASTER. HAVING A KINGDOM FAIR SHOULD BE THE RIGHT OF ANY CITIZEN.” Like hahahaha can you believe this guy? 

VIVI: hahahahahahahaha right? Like he’s always yelling around and screaming a8out this or that. Such a grumpy guy. Anyways what did you want to order?

JADE: i dunno this place isnt where i would go to but apparently you get this place delivered almost everyday. 

VIVI: hahahahahahahaha yes I do this. A8solutely. Completely. One hundred percent. 

JADE: are you feeling okay? Your voice sounds a bit different. 

VIVI: yeah!!!!!!!! I’m fine! Nothing is wrong at all!!!!!!!!

VIVI: hello yes. 

TANZIN: h7w c7n 7 h7lp y77

VIVI: one chipotle please. 

TANZIN: 7hhhhhhh. 

TANZIN: y77’r7 g7nn7 h7v7 t7 b7 m7r7 sp7c7f7c.

VIVI: that one. 

JADE: are…. You sure you’re okay? 

VIVI: of course! It’s my 8irthday!!!!!!!! And I feel like I’ve just woken up from a very long nap and I have my favorite sister here with me! How could things 8e 8etter????????

JADE: hehe. Well it’s nice to see you. I’ve missed you. 

VIVI: me too!!!!!!!! It was always fun hanging out with you 8ack then.

JADE: um. Okay. 

JADE: can we change the subject maybe? like what have you been up to? 

VIVI: ummmmmmmm Playing monster hunter mostly. I think. Zinogre’s a 8itch 8ut im worse. You still play? 

JADE: ....

JADE: no. I’ve never played that game before in my life. 

VIVI: ugh, I think I have a headache. Can we sit down?

JADE: sure…

VIVI: so do you still play wow?

JADE: … what the fuck is wrong with you

VIVI: what?

JADE: don’t play dumb with me. Every fucking time we hang out, or i call, you bring it up as if it’s some kind of game. Like you’re rubbing salt in the wound. Like i dont actually fucking matter to you and all i am is a narrative device for you to remind me of the three fucking years I was all alone on the ship? 

VIVI: i um

VIVI: aaaaa my head. 

[REDACTED]: what…? 

JADE: Excuse me? Don’t pretend like you’re getting a headache again. Every single goddamn time this happens it’s ‘oh i have a headache,’ ‘oh i can’t focus.’ ‘oh i dont remember anything can you repeat that?’ well you know what? I’m sick of it. 

JADE: What a fucking dumbass I am to think ‘wow, I should hang out with my sister since it’s been like 2 years since we’ve talked and it’s her birhtday, maybe she’ll finally stop fucking around with my emotions and reminding me of the sibling bonding that SHE got to do, while I WAS FUCKING MISERABLE AND ALONE AND LOST AND WONDERING JUST WHAT IN THE HELL I HAD DONE WRONG. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS I WAS ON THAT SHIP [REDACTED]???? DO YOU????

VIVI: h8w am i supposed to react???????? Every single good memory I have of us is from those three years. You w8re my 8est friend!!!!!!!! I came out to you! I watched movies with you! And every single time i look at you, it 8reaks my heart 8ecause i just constantly remem8er it and you never will. I wish i could have spent time with you!!!!!!!! And i did!!!!!!! 

JADE: I DIDN’T!!!!!!!! I DIDNT PLAY ZINOGRE HUNTER WITH YOU! I DIDNT PLAY WORLD OF LEGEND OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT? I DIDNT GET THAT OPPURTUNITY [REDACTED]. AND I! NEVER! WILL! 

<

JADE: what

JADE: where is that wind coming from?

[REDACTED]: AAAAAAAA

VIVI: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>JADE: FUCK! FUCK!!!! EVERYONE! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! RUN! 

JADE: [REDACTED] STOP THIS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THERE ARE CIVILIANS HERE!!!!

Egbert blinked. 

A ten seconds had passed in the real world and from the other side of the couch she could see Jade’s eyes. Sad, lonely. Regretful. Inside the swirling green and black of the space aspect. The picture of someone who wanted to make amends but didn’t know the first step. 

“Sorry, I…” 

“It’s okay. I’m not gonna yell at you, but um… just in case, maybe we should do this somewhere where there aren’t people who aren’t gods.” 

Egbert averted her eyes and rubbed her neck, “right.” 

Jade stood up and walked towards the door. While the distance between Egbert and her sister was only a few feet, it felt like miles. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for this. Ready to talk to her but she was. 

Vivi placed a hand on her shoulder, “Eg8ert?” she paused, “May8e… I should take this one? It’s mostly my fault.” 

She shook her head, “Listen, it’s both of us. We’re both responsible” 

Vivi bit her lip, “you’re right. Maybe I just wanted to take it for you.” 

Egbert returned to reality and found herself following Jade’s flight pattern out towards an old park. She could reach out her hand and take Jade’s in hers. But she didn’t. It was too soon. 

Jade sat down on a bench and gestured for Egbert to sit. 

“I feel like we’re far enough away that if a tornado happens, nobody will get hurt.”

“Yeah that’s a good idea. You were always much smarter than us.”

“Us?”

She nodded, “I'm still getting used to it. But there’s a girl in my head. And she’s pretty cool and nice. We fought for a bit but we’re getting along.”

“It’s not me is it?” Jade narrowed her eyes.

“No! No! No! No, It’s um, well I mean I guess she’s kinda like Vriska. But her name is Vivi. Apparently it was the name we went by back then.”

Jade cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, “Really? You went by Vivi?”

“What, is it bad?”

“No! No! It’s a great name. You’re just… How do i put this? Seeing that makeup is like. I think you’re more of a summer.” 

“What, Like August?”

Jade shook her head, “nah,You’re more of a June to be honest.” 

“Huh. June.” 

“We’re avoiding the elephant in the room”

“Jade it’s a pretty big fucking elephant, I dont know if I’m ready for it.”

Jade looked up and stared back into her sister’s eyes, “Well. There’s no time like the present.” 

“I hurt’s me… Egbert. IT hurts when you keep bringing up a version of me that doesn’t exist. It hurts that I feel like you look at me and you see a person I’m not. I want to be your sister, and i want you to be mine, but this is just too much. Every time we’ve talked in the past 7 or so years it’s been about other jade and I need that to stop. I want to have a sister. Especially one who, as it turns out is just like me.” 

“Um. Vivi wants to say something,” Egbert took a deep breath and she felt her mind defocus and then refocus, “I hear you. I understand you. And I want to 8e your sister again too. 8ut you have to understand that I lost my sister too. It 8r8ks my heart to look at you and have a surge of memories of everything that we were together. All the memories, all the games. We were 8est 8uddies, I told you everything. Hell, you were the first person I told a8out myself. You taught me how to do makeup, you taught me how to knit my own clothes and a 8it a8out science. And I lost all of that.” 

“Vivi, I am trying not to get upset. but I’m not her. I’m not that Jade. Whoever she is, She’s dead. And I am the Jade that is here before you now, and whatever happens, I am… I _want_ to try and be that Jade for you again, or, at the very least, make new memories. I have wanted to be part of your life for _so long_ and it’s seven years later but you have to stop bringing up that time. You have to stop talking about it. I’m so tired of hearing of some Jade that got to have what I never will.” 

“I…….. I can try and do this. Can you 8e patient with me?” 

“I will do my damn best.” Jade gave a slight smile. 

“Now hold on, what did you mean 8y ‘like me’?”

Jade took a deep breath and put her hands together, “Well. About that. You see. I’m the same kind of girl you are.”

“A mess?”

Jade chuckled, “No! Trans.”

“Wait, What?”

“Yeah! It’s a bit different because my grandpa died early but he treated me like his daughter and raised me as one because that’s what I wanted to be. But being fused with a dog makes it _so easy_ to just make up excuses? Like you’re gonna look in the mirror one morning and realize that you fucking hate stubble. But I can just laugh it off and say oh it’s just fur!”

“I... stubble?” Vivi looked confused. 

Jade continued, “and sometimes when I get a little frisky and people are like ‘oh i thought you were a girl’ I used to say, ‘oh yeah haha got fused with my dog sorry and they just don’t question it. That being said, those people are hell on your self esteem. I don’t know how you’re gonna end up swinging if you go on hormones or whatever but if someone ever says that to you, pack up your bags and leave cuz they’re not worth your time.” 

“Um, That’s a lot of information.”

Jade smacked her forehead, “Right! We’re apologizing.” She closed her mouth and then opened it, grasping for words, “I… Owe you an apology. I ignored the pain you were feeling. I ignored the loss and the grief and when other me died, you lost more than your sister. You lost your best friend. But I want to have that Egbert.” 

“Okay, 8ut I think you’d really like Monster Hunter.” 

Jade took a deep breath and gave Egbert a light smile, “We can play that together sometime! I’d like to! Just don’t reference old me and give me a few pointers.” 

Vivi gave Jade a big grin, “A8solutely!!!!!!!!”

“Now, I… have had a day, and from what Dave and Karkat were saying, so have you. You’ve been going through a lot of self discovery in the span of two days. I think you and I should both take a day to ourselves and see how we feel.” 

“You seem very mature a8out this.” 

“Well yeah! I’ve been… going to therapy. Like everyone else. Went through a bunch first before I found the right one though.” 

“Should we say good8ye?” 

Egbert pushed herself to the front, “Wait! Before you go”

Jade raised an eyebrow, “okay there’s a subtle difference in your voice there. Is this Egbert?” 

Egbert nodded and grinned, “You’ll get used to it. But um before you go, Can you say, ‘See you later June’?”

Jade gave her a warm smile, “See you later, June.” 

With a flash of light, Jade disappeared leaving Egbert with a warm feeling deep within her heart. 

“Huh. Cool.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!!!!!!!  
> Sorry for the late chapter!  
> I got laid off from my job due to The Virus and spent the last three days in a fugue state of very low awareness.  
> So this chapter took a bit longer than I had planned! Hope you enjoy it!


	19. A Discussion on Canon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Implied Suicide attempt  
> rose and Kanaya have a conversation about Canon.   
> Jane gets a troubling call.

ROSE: It’s a bit strange.

KANAYA: What Is It That Is So Strange That You Have Decided To Not Provide Any Details On?

ROSE: Well, I have been having these nightmares lately in between my rampant headaches and now they are less. I can feel something dissolving. It is the pressure from before that was constantly placed upon me where I could see this answer to my visions

KANAYA: My Apologies, You Were Having Visions? 

KANAYA: Did These Visions Have Anything To Do With A Certain Egbert? 

ROSE: …

KANAYA: Your Silence Is Impossibly Loud, Rose. 

ROSE: How did you know?

KANAYA: You Talk In Your Sleep.

ROSE: I do what now?

KANAYA: You Have Done It For Years

ROSE: And you never thought to tell me?  


KANAYA: To Be Perfectly Honest, Yes. Because It Is Cute

KANAYA: For The Most Part All You Would Speak About Is How Much You Loved A Show Or How Much You Enjoyed Something I Cooked Recently. But As Of Late It Has Been A Bit More

KANAYA: Troubling 

ROSE: How so?

KANAYA: Well It Was All About Egbert And How You Did Not Want Her To Go Off And Die. I Thought It To Be A Nightmare But After Hearing Your Last Conversation With Her, I Think It Was Something More. 

ROSE: I’m sorry, when was this?

KANAYA: I Do Not Remember, Now That You Mention It.

ROSE: Hm.

KANAYA: Hm? 

ROSE: It is just that I can feel something. Or more specifically see something but it’s not something that is traditionally seen. 

KANAYA: I Am Afraid I Do Not Understand. 

ROSE: Have you heard me talking about the three pillars of canon?

KANAYA: Extensively. You Mumbled It In Your Sleep Constantly. 

ROSE: haha, Seriously?

KANAYA: I Believe You Said It Was Drama, Truth And the Third One Escapes Me.

ROSE: that is… Very Close

KANAYA: Are You Mocking Me?

ROSE: You know I love you. 

KANAYA: From What I have Pieced Together And Filled In From My Own Conjecture, I Believe That For Something To Be Canon It Must Contain Three Factors. Truth, Which Is Whether Or Not Something Is True-

ROSE: That is-

KANAYA: Please Do Not Interrupt.   
KANAYA: But Truth In Canon Feels a Little… Strange To Me. Your Sister has Spoken Extensively About The Timeline In Which You Died And Jake Was Capable Of Making False Things True. So Truth In This Matter Seems Irrelevant When There Are Several Doomed Timelines That We Somehow Created Just By Making Choices. The Alpha Timeline In That Matter Was Controlled By An Invincible Time Demon That Was Then Killed. Was His Invincibility A Fact Of Truth? Or Was It Something That He Just Yelled A Lot To The Point That We Believed Him? Essentiality As Well. Who Is A Judge Of What Is Essential. Was It Essential That We Fall In Love And Get Married? At Which Point, Did I Ever Even Have Control In This Relationship? If It Is Essential, Then If I Leave You Due To Some Reason, Are We No Longer In A Canon Timeline?

ROSE: Are you

KANAYA: No. You Have Just Been Sick For So Long That I Have Missed The Opportunity To Talk. The Truth Of This Moment Is That I Love You. And I Do Not Intend To Stop Anytime Soon. 

KANAYA: And Lastly, Relevance. What Does That Even Mean? To Whose Perspective Do We Find Relevance? Is Dave Strider Growing A Hideous Mullet Irrelevant? And To Whose Standards Is It? Is the Fact That Egbert Is No Longer A Boy Irrelevant, Or Is It Something That Many May Attribute Personal Meaning To, And To Whose Meaning Is Required? If We Bind Ourselves To These Three Pillars, Then We Surrender Our Autonomy To A Grand Puppetmaster Of Whom May Be Unseen. 

ROSE: 

KANAYA: I Apologize, That Was A Lot Of Information To Dump On You. Are You Okay? 

ROSE: I feel like A lot of the things that I have been thinking about over these past months have been a colossal waste of time. 

KANAYA: Be Careful, That Might Be Someone’s God Tier.

ROSE: Gods. 

ROSE: I love you.

KANAYA: I Love You Too Rose. 

Jane Crocker was enjoying her evening in a hot tub when the phone call from Dirk came in. Over the years since they had won, she had built up her baking company and now lived a life of luxury and fame, and soon, would be the president of Earth C. 

“Hey Jane. Bad News. Cancel Everything.”

“Excuse me, what?”

“All plans. Cancel them. It’s over.” His voice was shaky and his breathing heavy. 

“What’s over Dirk?” Jane was confused. These plans had been months in the making.

“I just told you, everything. Because we’re cancelling it.”

“Dirk, are you Quite okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m cool” he was most certainly not cool, “can you shut up? I don’t need your pity here.”

“I’m...sorry? Dirk you sound terrible. It’s unlike you to call quits on a caper without a lengthy diatribe on it.”

“Fuck are you following a script or something?” 

“I...don’t understand.” 

“Don’t worry about it! Just do what I say!!!”

“No!”

Dirk Hung up the phone. Jane pulled it away and quickly redialed Dirk. It went directly to voicemail. She hung up and stood up, her heart pounding. Was he okay? Oh no, was this something like what poor [REDACTED] was going through? She quickly called up Dave. Maybe he would have an answer. 

“Yo queen Crocker what’s up?”

“Dave, it’s Dirk. He just called me with the weirdest message and I’m worried about his safety.” 

“Oh fuck.” 

Dave immediately hung up. She cursed to herself and called her [sister]

“Heeeeeyyyy, Jane, Long time no see.”

“Excuse me [REDACTED] but I just-”

“Hey sorry, can you call me June?”

“What, whatever? June. I’m worried about Dirk. He Just called me with the weirdest things and he didn’t sound well.”

“Wait, Dirk? Is he okay?”

“I don’t think so. I just called Dave but he immediately hung up.”

Within seconds, June zapped into the room and held a hand out to Jane.

She hesitantly reached her hand out, “jo- I mean June, you look different.” 

“Yeah listen, I’m trans and also a girl, can we go save Dirk or whatever?” 

Jane took her sister’s hand and nodded and the two of them zapped themselves outside of Dirk’s house. Dave was already there, pounding on his front door.

“Hey, Dave.” 

“Sup June.”

Jane looked around dumbfounded, “I’m sorry, You were already aware?”

Dave shot a glance at Jane and said nothing. She instantly recoiled.

“Can we get inside Dave?”

“Door’s locked.” 

“Oh is that it?”

Jane rolled up a sleeve of her suit and punched a hole through the door, and clicked the lock open. Dave stared at her. 

“What, I’ll pay for it later.” 

Dave ran inside while Jane and June walked in, trailing behind. 

“So…” Jane rubbed the back of her neck and coughed. 

“So…” June responded.

“You’re…”

“Yes.”

“She/her pronouns?”

June took a deep breath and exhaled, not meeting her eyes “yup.”

“Did I do something wrong j-june?”

June didn’t meet her eyes. She didn’t respond. She just took a step forward and followed Dave. 

Dirk could easily be heard from the other room.

“I dont WANT to be just another splinter! I don’t want to fall back and-”

“Shhhh, hey, your bro’s here and he’s gonna protect you.” 

“I- I can’t” 

“You don’t have to do this alone. Jane’s here. I’m here, And June Egbert in the flesh is here.” 

“June? Who’s that?”

“Egbert. She picked a name.”

“Fuck. that means we’re already fucked! I’m fucked! We’re all fucked and I’m-”

“Nobody’s fucked. You’re okay and you can do this.”

“No. No I can’t Stop lying! Egbert has to-”

“Shhhhh. I gotchu. Your Big Bro Knight is here to serve you up some fresh rhymes and also some sick hugs”

“I…” 

“You were writing a note?”

Dirk remained silent from the other room. Jane sat down on a bar stool in Dirk’s house and sighed.

“Hey dirk, It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay. You’re not gonna splinter. And if you do, you’ll have your friends.” 

“That’s right bro, We’re your friends. We’re here.” 

Jane took a deep breath, straightened her suit coat and walked into the other room.

“Um, Dirk.” 

Dave and June looked up at her. 

She immediately felt nervous, “We have been friends for quite some time. And the thing is that you’ve been there by my side through and through. When I was at my worst, you’ve been there. And when I was at my best, it was normally because of you or some plan you concocted. You’re smart Dirk. Smarter than I will ever be and while I worry about you greatly, I am here. But… Whatever is going on, I don’t quite understand it, but I believe in you. You’re the peanut butter to my jelly. The Sherlock to my Watson and to lose you would be unthinkable.” 

Dave and June looked away. The mood in the room felt impossible to handle. Jane left nervously and stared at the door that she had punched a hole into. 

Time passed, conversation happened in the other room and June took a step out and cleared her throat, “He’s okay. Dave’s gonna stay with him tonight to make sure he stays safe. 

Jane nodded and looked up at her sister, “Can we talk J-June. In private?” 

June inhaled deeply, “Listen, I’ve had a long day. And I’ve already had one big heavy sister conversation and I don’t know if I have the energy for another. It’s late. Can we get lunch tomorrow or the next day?” 

Jane stood up and nodded, “Yes. Yes. Absolutely. But um, before you go. Suit or dresses?” 

June smiled, “I don’t know yet.” 

“Alright, I’ll send both and you can pick yourself. Tomorrow at… 1 pm?”

June gave a tired nod, “Yeah. Sure. Sounds good Jane.” 


	20. A Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and Vivi make an Important Fashion Choice

JANE: It’s been a while, dear [sister] of mine. I was wondering if we could get together for a cup of tea, or perhaps some baking? I imagine that my many invitations have just plumb slipped your mind in the past. 

[JUNE]: "seen at 12:01 am"

JANE: Dearest [sister] of mine or perhaps even my [daughter] if you want to get a little ectobiological! It is your 20th birthday and I was thinking you and I could rev up the old prank zamboni and give everyone’s house’s a right solid polishing!

JANE: It is fine if you are busy. I believe Rose said you had no plans so howsabout it?

[JUNE]: seen at 3 am 4/14

JANE: Well! Perhaps next year you rascally old chum! We can get right on to it and prank so many houses!!!

JANE: [June] Dearest it was wonderful to see you at the grand opening of my baking empire a few months back, I apologize if I haven’t reached out in some time, though you and I have both been busy hoo hoo, I’ll take your complete and total lack of texting me back as just the way we Crocker’s say I love you. 

JANE: Many families have ways that they talk with each other and show their love but we can just be the two siblings that don’t talk of course! No pressure whatsoever. 

JANE: That being said if our thing could be something different, perhaps like the siblings with a prank war! Or I would love to be the ones that bake together. My crockertop tiara is full of recipes just waiting to be used. 

JANE: And no, it’s the new one, not that ratty old thing that got me mind controlled by the evil old batterwitch.

JANE: Anyways call me back whenever you want hoo hoo, you have my number!

  
  


JANE: [June]! You picked up! Oh how wonderful it is to hear from you. 

VIVI: Who is this?

JANE: I… hoo hoo, I get it! This is one of your funny pranks [June] you really pulled the old wool over the eyes around me you rascally scoundrel! Playing pretend as if you don’t know me!

VIVI: uhhhhhhhh yeah!!!!!!!! Totally it was all just a huge prank. I love pranks. 

JANE: Anyways, Dirk and I were going to take a stroll around the troll kingdom for the press and I just thought to myself, wow! I wonder if my dear [June] wanted to come. 

VIVI: is this Nannasprite?

JANE: Excuse you?

VIVI: You sound like a young hot nannasprite

JANE: [June] whatever do you mean darling? I’m not that rascally old sprite

VIVI: She was pretty good at pranks. 

JANE: This is your sister. 

VIVI: Jade?

JANE: … Listen here buster, this joke has gone a bit too far and it’s no longer funny. So if you want to get over here to the troll kingdom so we can look like a happy goddamn family there is a suit and tie at your doorstep waiting for you. Meet me here at 6 pm sharp. 

Vivi stared down at the two outfits before her. One of them a sharp blue suit with a pencil skirt and the other a form fitting sleeveless sundress that seemed to dance with the air itself. According to a note, Jane had reached out to Kanaya and she had taken the task on in a single night. 

“Any idea which one you want to pick Vivi?”

Vivi cocked her head and looked back and forth, “I mean we’ve worn dresses before but are people going to realize,we’re a girl if we wear the suit?”

“I guess… the suit is really subtle though. But it looks like one of those magazine covers where the guy is stuck in this really tight suit. Like how the hell do I put on this skirt? It looks too small and like a tube”

“ARE YOU TWO STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR?” 

Vivi groaned, “Yes???????? Listen fashion is difficult karkat” 

“OKAY BUT THIS ISNT A DATE. YOU’RE NOT GOING ON A DATE WITH YOUR SISTER YOU’RE JUST HAVING LUNCH. YOU’RE TURNING THIS INTO A BIGGER DEAL THAN IT IS!” 

“Listen, looking good is important 8ut you want to know what else is important? Not fucking this up. I don’t know how to explain this 8ut I feel like if I fuck this up then all of this is for nothing.” 

“WHY?”

June cleared her throat, “I mean, Jane is paying for our therapy. And for the most part I feel like if we don’t patch things up with her, she’ll stop. She can’t have missed the news about us fucking over an entire tower.” 

“YOU DIDN’T FUCK OVER AN ENTIRE TOWER.” 

“I sucked a bunch of people into a tornado.”

“DID ANYBODY DIE?”

“Nobody died before!!!!!!!!” June shot back. 

“OKAY LISTEN. SEE THIS COIN HERE. I’M GONNA FLIP IT. HEADS YOU GO WITH THE SUIT AND TAILS YOU GO WITH THE DRESS. DEAL?” 

Vivi thought for a second. This kind of thing felt familiar. Karkat didn’t wait for an answer. He pulled out a booncoin and flipped it. Vivi watched as it soared through the air. Her life felt like it hung in the balance. Her very essence contained in that flip. She really really liked the suit. It felt nice, androgynous, and no expectations. She knew how to wear it. But June really liked the dress, even if she wouldn’t say it. And while she knew how to wear it, Vivi felt like she might be a bit uncomfortable in something so blatantly feminine. 

The coin fell. Time dragged itself to a halt. In this moment, Vivi felt like she had a choice over the matter she felt like she could decide how this went. 

Suit? Or dress? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pick one. comment what you want.
> 
> UPD8 05/25/2020   
> I'm currently working on Writing up the ending arcs of this fic.   
> I can't entirely say how long this will take.   
> I got a new job which is remote so hopefully I should have the same amount of time. However I'm planning on having each route to be a single chapter and roughly 10k words each maybe more, maybe less.   
> Working on Dress first and then Suit due to the votes received.   
> if you want a brief look into the ending.   
> Dress will focus a bit more on Jade and June and Suit will focus a bit more on Jane and June.   
> Stay safe!


	21. Dress ending

The coin landed heads. Vivi felt an almost immediate disappointment from June. 

“Hey, why dont we go with the dress instead. You’d look super8 in it.”

“Really? You’ll do that?” 

“Yeah, Plus she’s your sister. I’m just here.” 

June felt as Vivi slipped back into her mind and June picked up the dress, leaving the suit behind. She stared at the dress, and then over to Karkat. “Um, hey can you help me into this?”

  
  


**

June felt a bit nervous as she walked into the restaurant. The dress hugged her upper body and showed off what little curves she had. She could feel the gazes of other restaurant attendee’s staring at the breath-like lines embroidered across the skirt part of the sundress. Jane sat at the back of the restaurant and waved June over. As she got closer she saw a flash of disappointment across Jane’s face that quickly was replaced with a friendly smile. 

“Not what I would have picked out, but I’m glad Kanaya managed to show off her best work once again. How do you feel?”

June stared at the seat and maneuvered herself into it. She had to hold the skirt against her butt. Gods, was it always going to be like this? Maybe she should have gone with the suit.

“What? Hmm. Oh I’m okay. I feel like everyone is staring at me though.” 

Jane snapped her head to the crowd and frowned, the many eyes that she could feel on herself immediately vanished, and she felt relief wash over her. Being in public was scary. 

“Hopefully they’ll leave us alone for the time being. But it’s been a while June! You look a lot happier than before. I take it that therapy has been working?” 

June shrugged, “to be honest. Not really. I felt like that therapist didn't really understand what I was going through. I felt like it was constantly frustrating to see her and I was just doing it because I needed some reason to get out of the house. It was really when Dave and Karkat came over and refused to leave me alone that I started feeling better.” 

Jane frowned, “oh… I see. You don’t have to keep going okay? We can cancel her. Maybe even find a new one!” 

June shrugged, the feeling of eyes on her was coming back. She quickly took a sip of water, “maybe.” 

Jane quickly dropped the subject and the two of them sat in silence for far too long until the waiter came and took their order. 

“June… Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you in some way. I don’t really know why everyone is giving me the cold shoulder and frankly it feels a little like you hate me or something” 

June took a deep breath. She wasn’t really sure how to address this. It wasn’t the constant messages that she didn't know how to respond to. It wasn't Xenophobia. Okay well maybe it was a little bit of that. Maybe it was a lot of that. But she was right. That couldn't be all that it was. June didn't really… know many trolls outside of Karkat, Kanaya, and Terezi, but She didn’t respond to his texts anymore and neither did Vriska. Should he say something? He looked up at Jane. There was concern in her eyes and in her expression. June Let out her breath and took a deep breath.

“Jane it’s-”

“JUNE EGBERT OH MY GOD!” 

Within seconds June felt herself get tackled out of her seat and to the floor, with a big furry dog on top of her. 

“J-jade? What are you doing here?” Jade hugged her sister tight and pulled the two of them back to their feet.

“I could ask you the same thing and where did you get that dress? It looks darling I almost didn't recognize you in it. it’s so vibrant and colorful. You look gorgeous!”

June blushed and scratched the back of her neck, “th-thanks. Karkat helped me in it.” 

“Where’d you get it?” 

“Oh, Jane commissioned Kanaya to make it that night?”

“Jane?” 

Jane Crocker cleared her throat and waved at the two of them. 

“Why are you with  _ her? _ ” 

June cleared her throat and pulled her chair back up, “We were at Dirk’s yesterday and she wanted to talk so i suggested lunch.” 

Jane’s eye’s darted around nervously, Jade’s fur stood on edge. 

“You have a  **lot** of nerve trying to pull my sister back to your social circle after what you said about Karkat. And right to my face too.” 

Jane’s face fell, “but I-” 

“No, listen! You think you can just go around saying shit like that and getting away with it because you own a company? You think you can just call karkat a ‘violent angry sociopath that is a prime example of why trolls shouldn't breed’ behind his back and get away with it?”

Jane flinched, “but.”

“Unless the next words out of your mouth are going to be ‘wow Jade, I’m sorry for what i’ve done. I’m going to shut down my company and stop trying to take their rights away and instead use my immense privilege and relatively okay upbringing to instead try and change the world for the good’ then i don't want to hear another word of it.” 

Jane looked furious, she pulled up her fork from her plate and pointed it at Jade, “Listen here you mangy mutt-” 

June blinked. The world seemed to move in slow motion. What she had thought was going to be a pleasant dinner date with her other sister/nanna had quickly turned into something dirty. Jade’s entire fur almost went on edge as a snarl escaped her lips. June only had a second to react. Only a second. 

She placed a hand on Jade’s shoulder and held her back, “Jade stop. She’s not worth it.” 

Jade’s fur pulled down and jane looked over to June with a look of heartbreak, “wait, no June. I…”

June stood in front of Jade, “Save it. I thought you had maybe changed or was a little bit different but you just called my sister a… well listen I feel like in this context that was a slur! And that just shows me that you haven’t changed at all. You’re all focused on looks and how the optics of yourself are and then say whatever you want when the camera isn’t rolling about whoever you want. You’ve got serious anger problems Jane. I think you should be going to therapy instead of me. No you know what, I actually need therapy still, but I think you should also be going to therapy. Or something. Graaa!!!” 

She slammed her foot on the ground and a light gust of wind rattled some glasses. Jane was speechless. She stood up from her chair and cleared her throat, a single tear trailing down her face. A sign of an oncoming storm, “If y-you’ll excuse me?” Jane quickly moved past them trying not to break out in an all out run. Her hands shook as she left the restaurant and immediately started shaking. She moved into the safety of her car only to have a group of paparazzi start banging on her windows bright lights flashed and voices mixed into loud static as the world around her began to feel fuzzy. Her eyes darted around and her car began to feel small as the bodies of reporters and wannabe journalists clamoured to get in on the CEO of Betty Crocker’s latest mental breakdown. Her hands shook as she pulled out her phone, face stained with mascara and mixed eye makeup. Her hands settled on Dirk’s number. 

“No. he’s healing” 

She scrolled and landed on Jake English. They hadn’t spoken in a while and he was currently on air. She doubled down and kept moving. Her hands shook as the people outside pounded on her car and as a headache pounded in her head. The world felt strange. The world felt small. She wasn’t real in her car and neither was the world. Her finger slipped. It called someone. She didn't have time to figure out who it was. 

***

Jade watched as June moved to go after her. She placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her, “Let her go. She’s not worth your time.” 

Jade watched as June’s shoulders relaxed and she turned to face Jade.

“We should get out of here.”

Jade nodded, “Yeah. Did you order anything?” 

June shrugged, “yeah but-” 

“Hey hold on. This place is fancy and expensive. We can just bill her. No sense letting a good meal go to waste.”

June chuckled and let her guard down, sitting back down as Jade did the same. 

The two didn’t meet each other’s gaze. 

It took a few minutes before Jade spoke up, “hey. Thanks for doing that. You didn’t have to stand up for me like that.”

June raised an eyebrow, “Jade you’re my sister. You’re important to me in ways that-”

“Okay but I can take care of myself! You don’t have to stand up for me.”

“Okay but I’m your  _ big  _ sister now and big sisters have to take care of their little sisters!”

Jade laughed and put her hands down on the table, “Big sister? I’m sorry. Do you think you could take me in a fight? I got predator instincts. What do you have? A hammer?”

“Hey! It’s a cool hammer! And Vivi loves it!” 

Vivi stirred in her mind but kept quiet, June continued, “besides I don’t want to hurt you”

Jade raised an eyebrow and smirked, “so we both agree that I'd win then right?” 

June scoffed, “Seeing as you get distracted by snausages, I don't think so. A single treat in the right direction and you’d go chasing right after it!”

Jade leaned forward, baring her fangs in a devious smile, “you wanna bet on that June?” 

June darted her eyes between jade and the table and laughed, “I’d really rather not.”

Jade folded her arms, an aura of smugness washing over her, “heh, that’s what I thought.” 

The waiter came and brought out their food, setting it down without a word about Jade. the two ate together in playful conversation, making bets on who would get married next and talking about who was the strongest in their group of friends. For scientific purposes of course.

“Listen, I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m about 100% certain that Vivi could take all of us down with one hand tied behind her back.” 

“Really? You think so?” Jade raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, the girl is a fighter through and through.” 

Jade playfully shoved June, “you’re putting a lot of stock in your brain ghost there.”

“No no it’s true. I could 8eat the ass of every single person in this restaurant. 8ut if anything happened to you Jade, i would kill everyone involved and then myself” 

“Oh excuse ME ms.Vivi there’s more here than just you.”

“It’s a meme june haven’t you seen it?” 

June raised an eyebrow, “no????????”

Jade chuckled and sighed, “I missed you. Can we do this more often? Lunchdates I mean.”

June shrugged as she took the check from the waiter, “uh, actually just bill it under jane crocker,” she turned back to Jade, “Why not? I mean it’s my birthday in 3 days. We could just have a party.”

Jade raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure? I know you didn’t want to have one last year.” 

June smiled as she got up and wiped off her bright blue dress, “Yeah. I’m sure. Plus Vivi has never had a birthday and neither has June.”

Jade gasped, “That is about the saddest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life. Well I know exactly what I’m making next.”

June laughed, Vivi smiled inside. Things were looking up. 

***

Rose Lalonde wasn’t sure why she was entering a bar. 

Rose lalonde wasn’t sure why she was entering a bar so close to midnight either. Reality was like this now. So many uncertainties. So many unanswered questions. The future as she knew it could be anything and the all encompassing light that was left over was very small and manageable. Not like the sea of visions she had been stuck inside before. That is why the bar before her was a mystery. She hadn’t remembered the last time she had talked to her. In fact she didn’t remember anything other than a half cat version of herself falling for her. 

The inside of the bar was dreary. Jane Crocker really picked the trashiest bar on Earth C. There was almost no one here other than a lone member of Jade’s progeny as a bartender. Bright red pointed ears sat on the top of his head and reddish fur decorated his face. 

“Jane Crocker.” 

She turned to look at Rose. The picture of someone who was already extremely drunk was immediately highlighted.

“My. You are quite the mess aren’t you.” Rose took a slow step forward and set her purse down on the counter. 

“Just the two of you today?”

Jane cleared her throat, “yes… Yes that will be it Fritz. Whatever the lady orders just put it on my tab”

“A Mojito, please on the rocks.” She turned to Jane, “you look like shit.”

Jane met her eyes, “What, nothing witty to say ms.lalonde? Dear jove a damsel like myself lost in this horrid bar on a Wednesday” 

“Tuesday” Fritz interrupted. 

“Yes tuesday. Thank you Fritz. On a tuesday and all you can say is ‘oh you look like shit’”

Rose crossed her arms and rested them on the bar counter, “Sometimes the most poignant words are the one which can be uttered in a single breath. Hence, you look like shit. And you do. Why did you call me?”

Jane stared at the mimosa in her hand and sighed, “To be honest, I called karkat first. And then he didn’t answer. And then Kanaya, and then she didn't answer. And then I called Dave and he told me to fuck off. And then I dialed you and you answered your phone. You never answer your phone.”

“Well not until today. I have been unwell you see and for whatever reason yesterday I suddenly felt better. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from me.”

Jane looked back up to Rose, “I see. So why did you come?”

“You sounded like you were having a panic attack. And then I saw the words ‘Crocker Meltdown’ trending on twitter with some very rude hashtags. And so I decided to humor you.”

“So I’m a joke to you then Rose?” 

Fritz placed a mojito down in front of Rose. She thanked him and took a deep breath, “No. But many of us haven’t exactly been in communication with each other in the last few years and I knew this wasn’t a call for an ordinary chat.” 

Rose took a sip of her drink. It wasn’t a lie. She didn't answer as a joke. 

Jane placed her head down on the bar, Fritz refilled her mimosa, “I feel as though I am a failure Rose.”

Rose considered the mint leaf in her drink, sharp yet refreshing, she could play the emotional support in this moment or she could be sharp. Strike directly to what she knew as the root of the issue. She thought about flipping a coin. No that seemed dumb she decided to go with her gut, “In a social way, you are. Though not for the reason you believe I imagine.”

Jane pulled her head up and stared at Rose.

“What, would you rather I jab you with a self deprecating remark about how you’re good actually and you’ve never done anything wrong in your life?”

Jane glared at her, “What like you’re any better?” 

Rose chuckled and smirked, “Oh absolutely not. I’m a complete scoundrel.” 

Jane rolled her eyes, “well shucks buster, frost my cakes and cream my soda, Rose lalonde has done something wrong?”

Rose considered the moment before her. She could lie or tell the truth. She went for the lie, something that would make Jane feel better, “Oh yes absolutely. I cheated on my wife.”

Jane spat out her drink and stared at Rose with an incredulous look, “Excuse me?”

Rose took another sip of her drink and raised an eyebrow, “Yes absolutely. It was with...Karkat.”

Jane raised an eyebrow and took a swig, “You’re lying.”

Rose blinked, “What, no it’s the truth.”

Jane shook her head, “no. I’m not that drunk Rose. You can’t just pull the wool over my eyes and hornswoggle me like that.”

Rose immediately felt defensive, “Hold on, why couldn’t Karkat and I get together?”

Jane smirked, “Listen, I've never seen you ever interact with him in my life. Not only that but Kanaya would murder you.”

The mojito stared up at rose lalonde as she considered what had just happened. Bested. By Jane Fucking Crocker. When she was DRUNK no less. Was Rose losing her touch? Was it the drink? What could have possibly-

“Rose,”Jane placed a hand on Rose’s shoulder and broke her out of her reverie. 

“Hm? What is it?”

“You don’t have to impress me here. I think you’re good enough as is.”

The words laced into her, catching her off guard, “I… Wasn’t trying to impress you. I have a wife.” Rose removed Jane’s hand

“Right. And I have a baking empire,” Jane downed her drink in a single gulp, “And yet it doesn’t make me happy.” 

“Does imbibing in alcohol make you happy?” 

Fritz cleared his throat, “No. No it doesn’t”

Jane flashed a glare at her bartender, “I pay you to get me drunk, not to-”

Rose cleared her throat, “Jane.” Tear stained eyes looked up at her, “When was the last time you were around someone?”

Her eyes darted away from Rose, “This afternoon June and I had a.. Date. but then Harley came in and-”

“You were very rude.”

Jane looked up, fear in her eyes, “You saw?”

Rose nodded, “yes.”

“Then why are you here?”

She paused for a moment to consider Jane, “you know? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know why I’m here Jane. I don’t know why I’m here just as much as I know why your friend’s have steadily moved away from you. I’m here because I think, at least in my heart that you need a wake up call. And no one else is around to do it so why not me? Why not June? Why not you? Why not any of us? Because none of us want to be around you. All you ever do is talk about money and how much you dislike trolls and no, I get that you don’t outright say it but you say it in the ways that matter.”

Jane, drunken and in tears squinted at Rose, “fuck you.”

Rose cocked her head, “You don’t mean that.”

Jane slammed her fist on the table, “fuck you and fuck off!”

Rose got up from her seat, Jane’s face fell. Rose sighed, “Jane Crocker, I understand that what you have gone through is hard. I understand that what you have gone through is difficult. I understand this. We all understand this. I think you will find that no one out there understands what you have gone through as much as we do. But we are trying to live with it, not let it destroy us. If you want to burn down every single relationship you have and let it all turn to ash, be my guest, I am not going to stop you. But I am not your enemy. And I am not here to hurt you. Despite whatever part of your brain causes you to believe that, you need to fight it. You need to take it within your hands and twist it to your will. Go to therapy, find a doctor that will prescribe you medications, whatever. You have the funds to do this. I know you do. And when it comes down to it, we will welcome you back with open arms, but this has got to stop. And we are not going to take it anymore.” 

Rose turned her back on Jane and walked out of the lonely bar. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "wow!" you must be thinking to yourself. "Is that it?"  
> Yes, hypothetical reader, it is. This is all that I'm gonna be posting.  
> You know when I first started reading this, i was in a GREAT headspace, I was in a FANTASTIC headspace. everything was GREAT.  
> And now? Two months later? Well. Things are shit. Look outside, take a look at the news, hell, look in the mirror, you'll see it.  
> there's been a lot going on and I just do not have the mental energy to finish this.  
> This june has been hell. This june has been terrible and fellas!!!!! It's only looking to get worse for us trans folx!  
> Black lives matter and all that but fuck.  
> all of my energy was invested in that movement and then out from behind came a literal shitstorm of bullshit.  
> so like.  
> I'mmmmmm done!  
> being visibly trans on the internet is TERRIFYING watching nonstop as cis folks and terfs will hound you nonstop for even the slightest thing you do wrong, and let me tell you, I know I'm gonna fuck up no matter how much prep work I do.  
> If you want my notes or whatever the fuck passes for such in these days to try and finish this yourself, be my guest. I'm gonna orphan this work. Whatever the hell that means or whatever it does for y'all.  
> Thanks for following it as long as you did. Maybe I'll even pull myself together long enough to finish it, but within this month? WOW that's not happenning.  
> EDIT 1: Actually no i'm not orphanning this. Lamo. That looks like a bad idea.  
> EDIT 2: I actually have a lot more writing on my website if that tickles your fancy and you're desperate for more content. Anyways if you take my username and put a (.com) on it you'll get redirected to my website :U  
> Edit 3 03/01/2021: it's been a while and I've thought about this a lot, I'm working on finishing this. I don't know when it's going to come out or how, but I don't like the way I left this and i don't like how jane's arc is left this way. It feels like it's just hs2 all over again and I don't like that. expect something eventually.


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